school

Six kids and five schools. My mornings consist of (with lots of help from J) feeding, bathing, dressing, packing lunches and sending kids on four different buses. It's crraaazzzy. But's been so nice and relaxing to have some time to myself in the mornings the last two days. I was really needing this!

searching

The last few months have been difficult, maybe the blog is evidence of that. Having a high needs child with a saddening story, dealing with J's difficult hours and stressful job, arguing kids home for the summer and other things have all piled up. I feel like I woke up one day and realized I don't know who I am anymore! I know I am a mom and a wife (and part of other relationships too). But my interests have waned. I don't take time for myself like I should. And I certainly haven't felt genuinely happy. I almost feel like I am going through a midlife crisis, although I am not really old enough to be at the "midlife" point yet.

So I am wading through some emotional things and trying to figure out my real interests, hobbies, what excites me and what I need to say no to. I am going to try new things and do some things I have wanted to do but been too scared to try. I am going to continue working on improving areas in my life that need improving, and de-cluttering and letting go of things that need to go.

it's a zoo

We had several appointments at the children's hospital for our foster daughter, back to back and over an hour drive one way. So we made it a fun trip and rented a hotel room (actually two), went out to eat and swam in the pool. The next day we went to the zoo and wore everyone out!

Almost a man...

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid, one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Douglas MacArthur

Goodbye

We have had dogs as pets for as long as I can remember. I grew up with several great dogs, and had a few in our marriage before kids. Robin the beagle joined our family about 10 years ago, and we added Jackson, the long haired chihuahua about seven years ago. On the 4th of July, we left both dogs in the chain link dog run outside. Unfortunately, Jackson must have dug out from underneath and escaped. After searching, putting up posters, calling and visiting the local humane societies, we still have not found poor Jackson. Then tragedy hit our family as J. was getting the kids ready to go the other morning. I was at a therapy session with E. and missed the whole thing. I met J. in the parking lot of work to trade cars. I asked how the morning went, and learned about what happened. Robin had ran out the front door left open by a child, and ran right into the road. He was hit and killed by a truck going past. J. was inside, getting our foster child ready to go. He heard yelling, tires squealing, and a loud thud, followed by yells for dad. He went running out, fearing that one of our children had been hit, but it was Robin. He sent everyone inside, all crying and upset, and dealt with the disposal and clean up. And then we all mourned. J. was able to come home early from work that night. We are still sad. We miss our dogs.

Sunburn

J has been working a lot lately since starting a special work project and picking up extra overtime. Right now he is on a nine day stretch. It is difficult for me when he is at work, because I feel like it is such a chore to load kids up and go anywhere. But yesterday was Pioneer Days in our little nearby town, and when my friend Sarah asked if we wanted to hang out with them, I figured it was worth the effort. It took me an hour to pack up the kids' things, medical equipment and stuff, but we made it!

We had a big time too, walked to the parade and the kids filled up with candy galore. Then while we walked to the local grocery store to pick up lunch, someone told us about some free hotdogs, chips and pop. The kids grabbed lunch there, and ate while we walked. 12 kids and 2 ladies walking across town. They all did well, except S. who probably should have been in a stroller or on a leash. He is WILD.

We made it to the store and the kids all were paired up with a buddy. They were sent to pick out one snack to share that wasn't candy, and was under $5. It was interesting to see what they picked out. I got a yummy chicken caesar salad that I didn't share. We loaded back up to walk back to our friends' house, and stopped at the park along the river to let the kids cool off by the fountain. Then finally made it back, exhausted. We ate, swam, and played hard. The kids were so worn out when we got home. And I was sunburned. BAD. The kids were good about the sunscreen, but I forgot about mom. Ugh.

new things

I am busy learning all about how to care for a special little girl who is considered medically fragile. M is seven years old and is about thirty pounds. She is tube fed, immobile, nonverbal and suffers from Rett Syndrome. She is the sweetest, happiest little girl too! We've been bombarded with medical equipment, nursing training, and learning all sorts of new things, but it has been a good adventure.