Excitement for the year ahead.
Uncertainty about how to cope with daily life.
Confusion about why things happen a certain way.
Fear for my son's health and future.
Loneliness.
Sadness about what has happened with Mercy.
Guilt for not trying harder.
Happiness when spending quality time with my children and husband.
Anger at myself for overeating and having poor self control.
Overwhelmed with having a hectic, busy, dirty, chaotic house.
Worried about my children.
Embarrassed to go to the gym and work out.
Frustrated at the ignorance of some people.
Anxious about our finances.
Irritation from problem children.
Enraged by said children's behavior at times.
Exhausted most of the day.
Hopeful.
I feel like I can keep all these emotions
contained and pushed down inside for a while...
and then
I open my daughter's backpack and
POP, out shoots the cork
and emotions spill all over the place.
I am not really sure what emotion I was feeling when I saw this.
Thankfully the kids were in bed, the hubby was working overtime
and I was able to just lay in bed and cry, and pray, letting those emotions out for a bit.
5 comments:
Oh my! Can I relate! I just cannot stay out of this funky gloominess!
I could NOT have said this part better myself:
Anger at myself for overeating and having poor self control.
Overwhelmed with having a hectic, busy, dirty, chaotic house.
Worried about my children.
Embarrassed to go to the gym and work out.
Frustrated at the ignorance of some people.
Anxious about our finances.
Irritation from problem children.
Enraged by said children's behavior at times.
Exhausted most of the day.
Hopeful.
I feel better just knowing I'm not the only one. We had an adoption from Korea fall through in 2002 so I really understand the emotions. They still flood back from time to time and always the guilt that we could have done more. It is sometimes hard to accept God's plan, knowing He can do all things and not understanding why He didn't change things for that little girl.
I understand many of those things/feelings. I went to the gym today. THere are three rows of 8 treadmills. I got on one in the front row and thought, "They can look at my big behind because at least I'm here."
Oh tears. I am sorry friend. Baby steps. Its all going to be ok. Oh that drawing is just heartbreaking!! UGH!!
I am so sorry. I can relate to so many things on your list. That drawing made my heart drop, so I can imagine you had a good cry by yourself. You are not alone.
Hugs
Oh. So. Hard.
Glad the kids were in bed, and you were able to process your raw emotions by yourself (with the Lord).
Laurel
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