Monday, December 6, 2010

joy


We are blessed by the finalization of the adoption of our son today! His name change is now official and I shouldn't have to spell his name during doctors appointments anymore. The last step in this whole process is still ahead of us, with the naturalization/immigration stuff. This will cost several thousand in fees, so we are going to have to wait a bit. But at least now this step is over. And the courts did not have any problems with the paperwork. Most of the originals were destroyed in the earthquake.

We went to court with our friends, and did a dual adoption together! It was nice to have some moral support, as the whole paperwork thing was a bit uncertain. We celebrated with some breakfast and went on with our busy day.

Of course, I feel like the enemy has tried to take the joy out of the day. E. had a big raging tantrum for about half the day. It was exhausting and put everyone over the edge. He has been nothing but defiant.

I could tell yesterday something was building. He was having a really hard time at church. Nothing I did make him happy, everything I did made him complain. His shirt had come untucked and was tugging at it. So I helped him tuck it in. He instantly pulled his entire shirt out from his waistband. Then I noticed his lips were chapped. I got out my new, peppermint lip balm, given to me by a friend. I applied it to his lips and said, "There, doesn't that taste nice!" And he scowled at me and said "I don't want that!". He used his coat and shirt sleeve to wipe at his lips throughout the whole worship service (which J. was leading). He wanted to sit when everyone was standing and stand when everyone was sitting. He yelled "I'm not singing" when there was a pause in the music. I was so relieved when they dismissed the kids to their children's church classes. I asked L. to take E. to his class. E. started to balk at that idea, so I took him instead. Halfway to the classroom, he started to pull on my hand. Then when I let go of his hand, he stopped walking. Then I grabbed his hand again and he refused to move his feet and picked them up, straight legged from the waist! He wouldn't go in the class room, and actually wanted to just sit and make me miss church. I allowed to have him have a little time out, but talked up how much fun the kids were having in class. They were practicing for the Christmas program next week. He was missing out. Then they started playing the soundtrack and getting out the jingle bells and he was ready to go in, running!

Today E. was fine this morning and during court. He was great playing with his friends. Then the drama started with I asked L to help put his shoes on when it was time to go. He was tearing them off his feet, curling his toes, and whining. L., being 13, has little patience so wasn't being very nice about it. But the day just got worse for E. We told him it was time for nap, since we all got up two hours before we are used to. He cried in his room. Then he started to scream. Then I got him up and had him lay down in my bed, to cuddle. I understood why he was having a hard time and wanted to give him some attention. He acted like I was going to kill him! Kicking, screaming, crying, on and on and on. The whole thing lasted about four hours. He never did nap, after all this time. I did a bit while he was in his room playing with blocks. I am burned out from dealing with him. Then the other kids... Fighting, arguing, talking back, name calling, sneaking things behind my back. Trying to kill the joy.

Praying I will find it again, and soon.

3 comments:

Corey said...

Poor kiddo. (And poor you.)

Even though he is little, and even though this is a joyful event, it may be that on some level he is grieving and cannot articulate it. Becoming E. NewLastName means he is no longer E. OldLastName... and maybe on some level there is sadness (or confusion) about that. Big feelings for a little guy, and no way to deal with it except tantrums. He is blessed to have a mama who is loving and patient.

mama bear said...

Good thoughts Corey, but it was his brother S. who had his finalization not E. Confusing I know (especially when only using an initial!) So I think it could have been stemmed from jealousy, or all the holiday activities lately, or me being away for nine weeks. You pick!

Laurie said...

I have been dealing with oppositional behavior like this for the last while & I know it is so exhausting & tests your patience like nothing else. I have not been too successful on the patience part lately. Being rebellious for just the sake of being rebellious is exhauting.

I feel for you. Congratualtions on the finalization of S's adoption.