it's hard

Our two year homecoming anniversary is coming up for E. in just a few days. When I look back at how much he has grown and changed I am so amazed. However, I'm coming to a realization that loving E seems to come easy for everyone except us. Outside of home he is happy, friendly, smiley and funny. His teachers at preschool don't seem to have any discipline problems. He has made a few friends at school. Extended family and friends tend to not see any problems. At home it's another story most of the time. I am praying that this is just a season in his life.

He does ok on days when dad is home. He also does better when the house is full of siblings. But when most are at school and E. is home in the mornings with more attention from me (school is at 12 for him), he doesn't know what to do with himself. He wanders around the house. He whines about everything. I offer to read with him, play with play dough, anything. The only thing that makes him happy is to watch a video, (which I try to keep to a minimum) or eat constantly.

Church has been an issue too, since he knows when to push my buttons. I swear this is what he is thinking:

Mom has been busy and tired all week. This is her one chance to get filled. Dad is up there on the stage leading worship, so he can't do anything. I'm gonna make her life h*ll.

So he does everything in his power to try to do just that. I thought I had found a great way to overcome this issue, a few weeks ago I told him if he is a good boy (with specific expectations) then he can have a piece of rainbow birthday cake afterward. He was an ANGEL. Last Sunday however, this did not work. Maybe he's clueing in. I told him his reward for good behavior was cookies since church was having a mission lunch. Ten minutes in he was uncooperative and disruptive. I had to leave the sanctuary. E. refused to go to his Sunday School class. I finally got him situated but later heard reports of him having a difficult time. During lunch I passed the cookie plate around and skipped over E. He gave me the glare of death.

His siblings pick on him, because it seems like he is always complaining about anything and everything. He most often spoils family time. He is always lurking, staring, hanging around. When I was making lunch for C. this morning it was like he was drooling over the food. So I put a handful of almonds at his place at the table and smiled warmly at him. He frowned at me and said, "I'm not gonna eat that."

During playtime he spins around the room, tripping over toys, furniture or people. He wiggles and wobbles through space with his hands and arms flinging around. He does strange things like walking around with dirty socks on his head and when asked why he responds, "Decause it's funny! (insert fake giggle) He can't regulate himself and spirals out of control when he does start to enjoy playtime. A good time playing hide and seek turns into someone getting hurt because he's running around the house yelling and giggling uncontrollably.

This morning was no different. E wandered around the house. I suggested he play in his room. He cried and whined. He got a stuffed animal, took it by the arm and swung it over his head while spinning in circles. I asked him not to do that since this specific animal was losing it's stitching. He got a truck, and pushed it on the floor, with all of his weight on the toy. It's one of the surviving cars we own like this since the others' wheels had collapsed from the weight. I checked on him after a few minutes. He sat there, listening to the car squeak and groan under pressure. He looked up at me and said, "Look mom, I'm playing!"

The long awaited lunch came (he lives to eat), and he took forever eating the sandwich his brother made him. It was a different type of bread, with nuts in it. (my ploy to keep myself from eating bread, since I am allergic to nuts!) He took a REALLY long time eating it, after picking apart the filling and slice of bread. He complained and gagged.

A lot of these behaviors may seem like they are typical for a 4/5 year old. Or that they are really nothing to make a deal about. But trust me, after watching him try to fit in, cope with daily life, and try to annoy or sabotage relationships or situations nearly all the time, we've started to realize this is not normal.

Then today, we had a few minutes to spare before the bus came. I called E to me to snuggle him before he left. He frowned and whined, "why do I have to do this???". I tried my best to love him and explained that giving and getting hugs makes you feel nice. "Doesn't this feel nice?" No response. Then I said, "E, I love you." No response. I asked, "Do you love me?" With more whines, he told me no. I asked if he liked me... no. I told him that it hurt my feelings and made me sad that he said he doesn't like or love me. He asked why. Then hid a smile.

joy

We are blessed by the finalization of the adoption of our son today! His name change is now official and I shouldn't have to spell his name during doctors appointments anymore. The last step in this whole process is still ahead of us, with the naturalization/immigration stuff. This will cost several thousand in fees, so we are going to have to wait a bit. But at least now this step is over. And the courts did not have any problems with the paperwork. Most of the originals were destroyed in the earthquake.

We went to court with our friends, and did a dual adoption together! It was nice to have some moral support, as the whole paperwork thing was a bit uncertain. We celebrated with some breakfast and went on with our busy day.

Of course, I feel like the enemy has tried to take the joy out of the day. E. had a big raging tantrum for about half the day. It was exhausting and put everyone over the edge. He has been nothing but defiant.

I could tell yesterday something was building. He was having a really hard time at church. Nothing I did make him happy, everything I did made him complain. His shirt had come untucked and was tugging at it. So I helped him tuck it in. He instantly pulled his entire shirt out from his waistband. Then I noticed his lips were chapped. I got out my new, peppermint lip balm, given to me by a friend. I applied it to his lips and said, "There, doesn't that taste nice!" And he scowled at me and said "I don't want that!". He used his coat and shirt sleeve to wipe at his lips throughout the whole worship service (which J. was leading). He wanted to sit when everyone was standing and stand when everyone was sitting. He yelled "I'm not singing" when there was a pause in the music. I was so relieved when they dismissed the kids to their children's church classes. I asked L. to take E. to his class. E. started to balk at that idea, so I took him instead. Halfway to the classroom, he started to pull on my hand. Then when I let go of his hand, he stopped walking. Then I grabbed his hand again and he refused to move his feet and picked them up, straight legged from the waist! He wouldn't go in the class room, and actually wanted to just sit and make me miss church. I allowed to have him have a little time out, but talked up how much fun the kids were having in class. They were practicing for the Christmas program next week. He was missing out. Then they started playing the soundtrack and getting out the jingle bells and he was ready to go in, running!

Today E. was fine this morning and during court. He was great playing with his friends. Then the drama started with I asked L to help put his shoes on when it was time to go. He was tearing them off his feet, curling his toes, and whining. L., being 13, has little patience so wasn't being very nice about it. But the day just got worse for E. We told him it was time for nap, since we all got up two hours before we are used to. He cried in his room. Then he started to scream. Then I got him up and had him lay down in my bed, to cuddle. I understood why he was having a hard time and wanted to give him some attention. He acted like I was going to kill him! Kicking, screaming, crying, on and on and on. The whole thing lasted about four hours. He never did nap, after all this time. I did a bit while he was in his room playing with blocks. I am burned out from dealing with him. Then the other kids... Fighting, arguing, talking back, name calling, sneaking things behind my back. Trying to kill the joy.

Praying I will find it again, and soon.

Food Dye

We are Feingold members. This is an association that helps educate families about food choices to help with behavior and health complications. We have been following this program (sometimes very closely, other times too relaxed) for about six years now. I really see a difference in my children's behavior when they eat foods with artificial colors and preservatives.

I got this email and wanted to share:
We are so excited!! We just had to share this with you right away, and we could not wait to include it in the December eNews.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA), finally responding to the 2008 petition by the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), has agreed to hold a hearing on food dyes in March. See the Federal Register announcement dated today.

This hearing is long overdue, but very welcome! Although Yellow 5, Red 40, and other commonly used food dyes have long been shown in numerous clinical studies to impair children’s behavior, the FDA has continued to dismiss the mounting evidence against the dyes.

According to Dr. Michael Jacobson, CSPI Executive Director, the continued use of synthetic food dyes is hardly worth the risk. "What’s the benefit?" he says. "Junk food that’s even more appealing to children than it already is? Why, when we’re medicating so many children for hyperactivity, would we let food manufacturers worsen some children’s problems? Behavioral problems aside, animal studies indicating that dyes pose a cancer risk provide another reason for banning those chemicals."

Fortunately, a few companies are adopting smarter policies even in the absence of government action. Starbucks does not permit dyes in any of its beverages or pastries, NECCO has switched to safer natural colorings for its famous Wafers, and Frito-Lay is testing dye-free snack foods.

Europe has moved much more quickly to protect children from artificial dyes. The British government has urged companies to stop using most dyes, and the European Union requires a warning notice on most dyed foods. See more. As a consequence, Kellogg, Kraft, McDonald’s, and other American companies that do business in Europe use safe, natural colorings over there — but harmful, synthetic petrochemicals over here.

We in the Feingold Association have been working with Dr. Jacobson on this issue, and we plan to be at the FDA’s March meeting. I will fill you in on details as I get them, so that perhaps many of you, too, can make yourselves heard (and maybe seen).

We can optimistically hope that this is finally the beginning of the end of synthetically dyed foods in the United States.

Best wishes,

Shula Edelkind, Feingold eNews Editor
Feingold Association of the United States

E. update

E. has come a long way in some areas and not so far in others. He is really starting to talk a lot more and has a really good vocabulary. One of the funny things he does is ask something like, "Are we going to the park? Or no?". I realized he gets that from me, when I ask him many questions repeatedly trying to get an answer. This is one of his weaknesses, answering questions. He really struggles with this. If given a multiple choice question, he does ok, but if I ask an open ended question, he just can't get out an answer most of the time. This was an area I noticed he struggled with during his preschool evaluation. They asked questions like "What does a clock do?", "What do you do when you are tired?" Even if I ask something like, "What's your name?" (we are working on this skill for his younger brother S.) he will answer the question incorrectly at times. Last night he answered "four". I think he was getting confused because we have also been working on their ages.

I have realized that if we want E. to make good choices, we need to remind him of the rules EVERY TIME. I feel like such a nag! Every time he is riding his bike outside we need to remind him of the boundaries. Every time it is bedtime we need to remind him to be quiet and not talk to his sleeping little brother. Every time we eat a meal we need to remind him to take little bites. Every time we go out in public we need to remind him to not hug strangers. Sometimes we forget to remind him, and he makes a bad choice. And he acts as if he didn't know! Maybe he does and we are being bamboozled. He still has a consequence for his bad choice though. But I just don't get why, after all this time of getting in trouble for the same bad choice over and over, wouldn't you start making the right one?

E. has had a great summer. He has been having a good time riding his little bike with training wheels, exploring outside, going to the zoo, and spent a few nights with Grandma and Grandpa all by himself! He is so excited to start preschool again in September. He will be going in the afternoons, four days a week.

Busy guy update...

Many have asked questions or made suggestions about my post about my two year old explorer. Yes, we have the chains above reach on both exterior doors, but it does not do much good when the older kids leave the house to play (unless I follow them around to relatch them). Sometimes S. figures out when they are not locked and sneaks out. Someone suggested bells on the shoes. A very good idea. The other day S. was playing outside with his sisters. I thought he was being supervised by his 11 year old sister in the front yard while I chatted on the phone with my friend. A few minutes later my neighbor knocked on the door, with S. in her arms. He had gone over to her house, wearing ONE rubber boot and a muddy sock. Talk about embarrassing! As you can see, a bell would not do a lot of good if the child doesn't keep his shoes on for more than a few minutes. AND we have a lot missing shoes around here, I might add.

I gave in and spent J's hard earned money on this. I love it. The trick is to be sure it is on from morning to night and be sure it's attached in a way so the kid can't remove it. I purchased the splash proof wrist bands for him to wear. So far so good, but it is definitely not an alternative to close supervision. It's just something to help a mom out when she is trying to switch the clothes out in the laundry room and her two year old takes off somewhere on the five acres.

A man on the go

I have written before about S. (age two) and his active self. He is always on the go. He is quick and smart too. He has figured out all the childproof doorknob covers and deadbolts. He can slip out the door and run outside in less than one minute. We have alarms and latches out of reach. He still finds an opportunity when the kids forget to lock the door, and takes it. Often we find him on the riding lawnmower, in the studio, or in the car (yikes!). There have been more than a few times where I have had a horrible panicky feeling while searching for S. He won't answer when we call, he thinks it is funny to run off, and he has NO fear. He has even left the house in the dark before! Professionals I have talked to about this seem to think this is a typical behavior or a parenting/discipline issue. My theory is if this were the case wouldn't I have more than one child that likes to wander? I am searching for a solution to teach him that it is dangerous to leave by himself but I honestly do not think he "gets" it. I am also looking for some sort of device that can locate or alert us when/if S. escapes. Unfortunately, they are all costly.

E. news

• E. had a second hearing screening the other day. He has perfect hearing. His behavior there was really great too. I suspect because Dad took him.
• E. had a second screening for developmental preschool too. His first one was about six months ago and they told me they wanted to wait another six months until he has time to learn more English and adjust. This hasn't set well with me, but I felt like I couldn't do much about it. At the screening they decided to have him come in next week for an evaluation. It will take up to six weeks to write up an IEP if he qualifies, so he will not start preschool until fall. I am curious to see if he qualifies for preschool services, but the screening revealed he is delayed in these areas:

concepts

speech/language

self-help

social development

had some difficulty in motor

• Food issues are not a big deal anymore.
• Attachment issues are becoming more noticable, but nothing too difficult. He usually shows some bad behavior to get my attention. It is mainly directed toward me. For example: I am talking on the phone and washing dishes. Dad is standing right behind me, cooking. E. runs up to me, yells something at me and punches my thigh. Then runs off. I am trying to teach him that if he needs me, to come up and quietly put his hand on my leg and wait.
• He can really get amped up and has a difficult time self calming. I see this the most with new people and friends. Many people think his personality is cute, but it can get quite annoying after just a few minutes.
• E. is a very sweet loving kid. He is funny and full of energy. He likes to play outside, ride his little bike, swing, play in the sand box and with his sibs. He is becoming a good big brother to S. by alerting us when S. is trying to escape or get into trouble.

Incoming

Please pray for us. I am going to be generally vague and discrete on here, but know that we are about to experience some big things. We are excited, nervous, diving in blindfolded while trusting God. Tomorrow is a big day.

More news:

• We had a busy weekend celebrating my birthday and Easter (and company for dinner).
• Today is E.'s birthday! He is four and so excited. He tells people that he sang (then sings the entire Happy Birthday song) and then "I blow out the candles like this..." and makes the blowing motion and sound. Really cute.
• The coming weekend is busy too with a friend's birthday party and church activities.
• I have a feeling that as spring/summer arrive, my calendar will get more and more filled.
• E. has another hearing screening coming up next week. I am also waiting to hear if he will need to get an evaluation for the special preschool.
• S. has an MRI and craniofacial clinic appointment at the hospital on Monday. Please pray for him as they will have to use anesthesia for him during the MRI. Also, pray for me since he will not be allowed to eat in the am, and his appointment isn't until 11 am. Ugh!

Hunger

Our son E. has been home for a whole year tomorrow!

We have had some small struggles with food and eating since he's been here. Thankfully E. is not a picky eater. But I would like some advice. The boy can eat!! He eats more (if allowed) than anyone in the house. He will always ask for seconds, thirds, fourths. Most of the time he won't really stop eating until I say "there is no more, it's all gone". Then he is pretty content, gets down from the table and goes on with his day. But, he's always asking for something to eat. Always whining about being hungry. Sometimes sneaking and stealing.

He has been hungry. Truly hungry. In Haiti he was only 8 lbs. at 7 months of age. He was dying of kwashiorkor, a protein deficiency. I don't know if he spent the entire first half of his infancy starving, or not. It is possible. And this could possibly effect him now, maybe?

Here's an example of our day:

7 am. E. wakes up, finds someone older than him, and say's "Hi ____, I hungy." Then waits a bit. "Can I have some ____? (banana, cereal, etc.) If that person doesn't jump to and get him breakfast he will move to the next person. And the next. He doesn't come to me and J. first anymore, because he has learned that we tell him he needs to wait. We like to help get everyone's breakfast all at once if possible. It's just easier that way. But he doesn't want to wait.

8 am. We are in the kitchen, making breakfast and he is RIGHT there. Watching, waiting, with big puppy dog eyes. He sometimes whines. He asks "whatcha doin?" over and over. He eagerly sits at the table and as soon as the food is in front of him he eats. Shoveling BIG mouthfuls of food. (this has improved since working with him on taking little bites) He is the first one finished, most times he is asking for more before I get to sit down to eat my firsts! Sometimes there is enough of whatever for him to have more. Sometimes it is gone after everyone gets one helping. We offer yogurt, or some fruit. He eats that too. Afterwards I clean him up to get him mind off of asking for more. He knows once the washcloth is out he is done.

Most mornings he will eat about 3 scrambled eggs, two pieces of bacon, two biscuits, two glasses of oj or milk, and cantelope. Or two bowls of oatmeal, yogurt, banana and two glasses of juice or milk. Or a bowl of cereal, banana, yogurt, toast with peanut butter, milk.

He plays for about an hour and a half, around 9:30-10 is is asking for food again. "Hi Mom, I hungy." I tell him to wait a bit. He whines and looks so sad. Then has a hard time going back to play. Sometimes has a fit. Sometimes I get him something to eat because he looks so pathetic.

11 am. He is asking again. He is moping around the kitchen. If he finds something on the counter he may sneak it. He is following me around with fake tears. If I am on the computer he will sit next to me, whine about nothing. When asked what's wrong he says he doesn't know. I know it's because he's "hungy".

11:15 am. I can't hold off anymore. I get ready to make lunch. Repeat of breakfast. Right underfoot. Peeking in cupboards, looking in the fridge past me, asking questions, seeming way too eager.

11:30 am. Eating lunch. Happy again for a bit. He doesn't typically ask for more servings during lunch for some reason.

We are not big snack people. I really like to serve three meals and one snack a day. Sometimes two. I have found if my other kids snack too much they will not eat the food I prepare for meals.

random times during the day, he's asking for something to eat. I give him a snack after rest time. He eats it all, sometimes stealing his little brother's. A fight breaks out.

3:00 pm Official snack time. The kids have an after school snack. Of course E. feels he should have another too. I let him have another one.

5:30-6 pm. Dinner time. After being hounded all during dinner prep and being warned a few times, E. is so "hungy" all he can do is sit in his chair and wait. He asks every so often if dinner is ready. When it is on the table he wants to pray. He says his blessing, and then is first to eat his food. There are some veggies we are finding he doesn't like all that much. He asks for seconds for some types of food. We oblige. He asks for thirds. We tell him he needs to eat everything else on his plate first. He does. Then asks for thirds. We give him more. He wants more to eat after everything is gone and everyone is finished. He is ok after we tell him we're all done and there is no more. Sometimes he glares at me.

After dinner we start the bedtime routine. Cleaning up, bath, book, teeth brushed, etc.

The boy is almost four. He weights just over 30 lbs. He hasn't gained much weight in a year. He is always hungry. He's been through a thousand tests. Nothing has turned up. I tease him that he has a worm named "Harry". He laughs.

Is his big appetite normal?

Are we doing what we should with him constantly asking for food?

Could this be a pych. problem vs. a medical one?

Just my problem, or no problem at all?

The other thing I have noticed in the past few weeks is his position at the table. He sits, with both arms bent, elbows on the table, spread out and encroaching on everyone around him. Almost like he is guarding his plate.

Thoughts anyone?

I have ordered the book "Parenting the Internationally Adopted Child", recommended by a friend. Looking forward to reading what it has to say about this topic.

Nearly a year

I am amazed at how fast a year can pass. E. came home from Haiti on March 5, 2009. The anniversary of this occasion is less than three weeks away. It seems like yesterday.

An update on how he's doing...he is going to be four years old the beginning of April.

• He has grown almost six inches!
• He has gained only a few pounds. He is now 32 lbs.
• He now can wear size 3T clothes.
• He can say a lot more words, but still is very hard to understand most of the time.
• He still has a hard time going to sleep at night, and doesn't take a nap anymore. (if he does he takes forever to fall asleep at bedtime)
• He still falls down a lot, but not as much.
• He has sensory issues, and we have not found therapy that works. We do fun at home things like swinging and playing. Pretty much what we were paying the therapist to do.
• He is healthy and has not been to the doctor for several months! (but has gotten a few colds)
• He eats A LOT, and most everything put in front of him, even veggies!
• His favorite foods are sweets, pasta, breads, carbs.
• He still loves to sing and dance and play outside.
• His favorite show is "Yo Gabba Gabba".
• He hoards objects like little random things he finds around the house. He sometimes even shoves them inside his pajamas before bed!
• He has a hard time remembering the polite way to ask for things, even though he is reminded EVERY SINGLE time the best way to ask. Right now it sounds like he is saying "wanapum..." trying to say "can I have some..."
• He whines, cries, screams and pouts if he doesn't get his way or gets in trouble...sometimes even when he is not in trouble or just because he feels like it.
• He doesn't play much by himself. He likes to be where the action is.
• He likes to tattle on siblings and is becoming very bossy.
• He can use the bathroom by himself, drink out of a cup without spilling, and feed himself without making a mess!
• He usually gets along well with others and he likes to go to Sunday School or playgroup.
• He is very ticklish and has a great laugh.
• We are waiting for several follow up appointments...speech evaluation, hearing evaluation, school screening, and another eye doctor visit.
• He really likes to lead the family in prayer at meal time. It's very cute.
• He loves to cuddle, read books together and hang out with the big kids or mommy and daddy.

Different

by Vincen Tabatha

How are we so "different"?

If "different" is just a thing.

If we all have certain features,

What does "different" bring?

People filled with hatred,

Can't possibly see,

That there's not really "differences"

Between you and me.

Looks can't show "difference",

If they're just there to be seen.

If you don't look like someone else,

Why are they so mean?

If being "different" is what is wrong,

I'd rather not be right.

And I'd want to finish living,

Doing the "different" fight.

A child from my son's middle school recently passed away suddenly. That's what the info sheet he brought home said. When asked about it I learned there are many rumors and speculations that he had committed suicide because of teasing and bullying. A few more questions brought about the fact that he was physically different than others. I am so sad about this.

Today I read a great post here, about her son's Jesus heart.

I think of my children, all of them different. A few with physical differences, a few with differences unseen. All in ONE FAMILY, there are seven people who are all different from each other. And you know what? God created every single one of us, and loves us all EQUALLY.

What a week, already!

I got sick on Friday night, it just came on all of a sudden; backache, headache, sinus ache, chills. I went to bed as soon as the kids fell asleep. (they were sent to bed early!) Then I was woken up by two little boys. They usually sleep pretty well, but they chose the night I felt like crap to wake up at 2 am. And of course my husband was working, so I was on my own. I texted him to complain, and see when he would be home. He got home after we fell back asleep, but I heard him tell me he was taking Saturday off! I was so thankful to hear this. I slept in, and laid around most of the day. I missed the homecoming of Isaac and Robert. I went to bed early again. Sunday I still felt bad, but better. J. went to work and I survived. We actually went out to Sarah's house for a little party to welcome Isaac home. It was so fun to see E. and I. together again. They seemed to remember each other, and by the end of our visit were hugging each other!

Yesterday was I was busy catching up on emails. I have had a LOT of people inquire about becoming a host family. I need to figure out a way to get the host family application on the MAT blog. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm not very computer savvy. Sarah suggested maybe scanning it and having it on a jpeg file. I thought that would work, but it's a four page application. We have had a lot of activity with MAT, and a lot of drama with Haitian kids and immigration. Please pray. I took a break from the computer to help E. with a potty accident. He had waited too long to get to the bathroom. As I was changing his pants, I returned to the living room to see S. with a bottle of curry powder (he had climbed in the pantry cupboards). There was yellow powder all over my keyboard and the floor! I was not happy. I felt like I just could not catch a break. I spent last night ordering some childproofing items online at One Step Ahead. And I also bought this... I am sure the boys will love it and it will be great for their occupational therapy! I did have a wonderful chat on facebook with a woman caring for our daughter in Africa. I was so glad to get to know her better and hear a great little story about her personality. (if you want to read my private blog please send me an email- on side)

Today started off poorly too, with both big kids missing the bus, at two separate times! How does that happen? L. forgot to set his alarm, and when he realized he had slept in he didn't want to wake me up. He thought he'd be in trouble! L. is very responsible most of the time, and has never slept in before. I would not have been upset, but now I was, since he didn't let me know he needed me to wake up and drive him to school! J. was working out at the gym and I knew he would be home soon. I waited for him to arrive and he got L. off to school in time. All the other kids were up early, so C. was ready for school in time. Except I noticed she had not changed her clothes! I made her go change, and got her out the door. THEN realized she had come back in to grab another piece of bacon as the bus drove by. Thankfully J. was able to take her to school on the way to work.

I was in a pretty bad mood this morning. I don't like waking up to children fighting, not doing what I ask, or them talking back to me. I don't like feeling overwhelmed and buried in paperwork. I don't like burned toast or bits of burned sausage in my scrambled eggs. And I don't like when my 2 year old won't stay out of things and has knocked three of my pottery dishes on the floor by climbing on the table! I don't like that he doesn't "get" that it's not safe to climb up or into things. (we have still not determined if it's a cognitive delay or just that he's a very active two year old boy) I don't like waiting for papers for our adoption. I don't like that UNICEF is causing hang ups for adopted children from Haiti to come home to their families. I don't like that my house can never stay clean for more than a few minutes. I don't like that this precious little girl lost her life way too soon. I don't like that there was a devastating earthquake in my boys' country of origin effecting millions of people, some whom I know well.

It really helps to blog about my rough times. But the best therapy is reading God's promises. I especially loved reading this verse in the Message translation:

Philippians 2:14-16

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

Wow! Is that convicting or what?

What's it take to get some help for my child?

E. got some mail today. Registration paperwork for speech therapy. I heard back from them the other day and found out there is waiting list. He will most likely not get an evaluation until March or April. Ugh. The only people who can really understand him is our family. Everyone assumes he is two years old. He will be four in April.

The OT therapy is not doing much good at all. I find it a complete waste of time.

I found three + wads of paper shoved in his ear canal last night. Really? What is he thinking? Everything goes in his mouth, up his nose, or now in his ears I guess. He still holds his hands in a fist or pinched finger sort of thing when he is nervous or stressed out. He touches everything, even after I tell him not to and he repeats my instruction so I am sure he understood.

This morning he took K.'s makeup out of her purse and smeared it all over my carpet. I remember when my son L. did that, but used my lipstick tube to color on my bedsheets!

Bedtime is better, but with the help of melatonin.

We will be re-screening him this spring for developmental preschool but I am not sure he is delayed enough to qualify for services. Right now he is delayed in speech and gross motor skills. I am anxious to see what happens.

Hearing and vision evals. both showed some issues, but because he can't cooperate he must go back in six months. Story of my life. Why can't anything get resolved NOW?

I have seen great strides with E.. He can actually hold a conversation with us and is beginning to learn how to pretend. He has a silly sense of humor. He is getting better about playing independently, but still doesn't prefer it. He will listen to books. He is learning to say please and thank you. He is learning boundaries with strangers and will shake their hands (and say nice to meet you) instead of giving hugs and kisses. He will hold our hand in the parking lot of a store and (most of the time) will cooperatively walk beside us. He will share if we remind. He is completely toilet trained except at night. He is excellent at telling us when his brother S. is up to no good!

5 am

S. woke up and walked into my room. It was probably more around 4 am. This sort of thing does not happen often. He was wide awake. J. snuggled him, gave him warm milk and put him back to bed. BUT all the activity woke up E. At 5 am I heard two boys. laughing. talking. carrying on like it was play time. Oh NO!

E. has a very loud laugh (or scream or cry) that can wake every member of the house. I went in to their room (where the door was shut and we could still hear them) and very sternly told them that Mama is sleeping they need to sleep too. NO MORE TALKING OR LAUGHING. It is time to sleep. And guess what? It worked!!!!! They listened to me. I must have sounded VERY ANGRY.

Terrible Twos

S. will be two very soon. Here is a little write up I recently sent my yahoo group for children/adults with his specific medical condition. I have some concerns and many questions about his behavior. But my answers may never come until he ages. Please don't misunderstand my words, S. is pure joy. He's so loveable and happy. Sometimes, now that he's nearly two, he's happy IF he gets his way.

My son S is almost 2 years old. He was born with a frontal encephalocele. He was the sweetest, easy going baby. Now
he either going through some horrible terrible twos or something else is going on. Developmentally he is doing well. He was a bit delayed in speech/communication and cognitive skills. Now he is nearly caught up with his peers.

He is VERY VERY busy, into EVERYTHING and climbs into and out of any situation. He can actually pull himself up just with his arms onto the kitchen counter! He can unbuckle his high chair buckle and climb out. He puts everything in his mouth, and I am getting very concerned about his safety. Certain words (no! stop!) don't even slow him down.

Most of the time pain doesn't deter him. He will fall and not even cry. He has very high muscle tone and often will run or walk on his toes. Our pediatrician isn't too concerned about this.

I am wondering if his behavior is just because of his age, or because he had damage to his frontal lobe. Most of the specialists S. has seen don't really want to say, maybe there is no real way of knowing? I know that in the last few months he's gotten more moody, stubborn and doesn't react to cause/effect. He just does what he wants without slowing down. Our OT is pretty sure he has some sensory processing issues.

Thoughts?
Thanks!

Yesterday my friend so graciously snapped this picture of S. in all his glory. She is great with the action shots. (hope you don't mind that I used your photo Sarah!)

Why oh why

Five kids and so far we've survived. But why did God wait to give us the most active one at number five? S. is a whirlwind of busy! Always into EVERYTHING and now climbing. He learned to climb out of his crib several months ago, and now he is able to climb up and out of many things. He can scale the side of the couch, climb any chair, monkey his way up the baby gate, and climb into the bathtub. The other day I found him on the bathroom vanity with the faucet on. We have to supervise him all the time. If we are unable, the best place to put him is in his room with the gate placed higher than normal, or in his high chair. Even his room is becoming hazardous because he is now climbing his dresser. Oh, woe is me... I am so glad I have older kids that can take turns playing with him or holding him on their laps. When they are home, that is. You can bet by 12:30 this mama is sooo ready for nap time! S.'s therapist is trying to come up with ways to help maximize his attention span. So far, nothing's really worked well. He does LOVE to push things, vacuum, broom, mop, etc. He also loves figuring out buckles (car seat and highchair). Sometimes he will sit and BANG on his xylophone toy for a half hour, if the mood is right. Other than that, it is like watching a ping pong ball, bouncing from one part of the house to the next. You can't imaging the mess he makes wherever he goes too! I guess it's good for me, and keeps me young, right?

Screening

E. had his screening today for developmental preschool. I am not sure why they can't just jump to the evaluation stage of the process, since he has already had so many different tests and evaluations, but whatever. The school district did his screening today, then if they feel he needs to be evaluated, they will need to do that within 35 school days. Then we will see if he qualifies for preschool. If he can go to preschool, he most likely will be placed in the same classroom as his girlfriend, A. and they will be "soooo happy" (in Bean's words). I will be sooo happy too! I hope he can get the help he deserves, for speech/communication, balance and coordination and social/behavior skills. We would be able to cut out OT therapy (he has an appointment late this afternoon) since he would be receiving it there if needed. One thing that bothers me about all this is they are really hung up on the fact that he is learning English as a second language. Well, to be truthful, he never really had a firm grasp on Creole as a first language, from what I understand (correct me if I am wrong those who knew him and understood him). I think he deserves help no matter what the situation is that caused him to be delayed. He is delayed, and if the school doesn't step in now, they more than likely will have to step in during Kindergarten and beyond. To qualify, he needs to be 1.5 standard deviations from the norm in two or more areas, or 2 standard deviations from the norm in one area. If you ask me, and I am no expert, he would qualify for speech alone. But not if they are thinking there is a reason for his delay, meaning there is nothing wrong with his brain. I think the fact that he may have hearing loss in his left ear, problems with balance and coordination that requires occupational therapy, sensory processing disorder AND behavioral issues should qualify him... but we have to wait and see. I should be hearing from them by the end of the week to see if he needs evaluation. Then we wait longer to see if he qualifies. Ugh. Good thing I called them in MAY to get things rolling. Praying for a good outcome!

Sensory Integration II

Well, we are thinking we have more than one child with Sensory Processing Disorder. S's therapists come over for a home visit yesterday. He sees a speech therapist and now an occupational therapist. We discussed his weaknesses and strengths as a 20 month old boy. I filled out a sensory survey and is seems he is on the higher/normal end of most sections, except for one area. He is out of the ball park in that section (but I can't remember what it's called). It's the area that measures how quickly you react to things. He reacts very slowly. We are not sure if this is due to sensory stuff or just his disability. We will be discussing this more next week. We will be working on his attention span this week by giving him heavy work activities for a bit, then expect him to sit and do something quietly for a minute, then play again. We can do this until we work up to a reasonable time that he can sit quietly and work on a puzzle, read a book with mom, or change his diaper without wiggling away.

We have been having fun at home with play therapy. I bought an awesome lycra stretchy sheet on ebay. It fits over a twin mattress to provide pressure while sleeping, but we are using it as a swing, swaddle, whatever. The kids had a lot of fun with it!

09-09-09

Why is this date special?  Because today we are the proud parents (again) to a special little Haitian boy now with his name legally changed and local county adoption decree (with 5 certified copies, I might add).  Soon he will have his US birth certificate too, it will be sent in the mail!  Court was very casual, held in the judges chambers.  It was just us, the judge, and Grandpa.  We were in and out very quickly with a picture or two snapped.  (I'll post some soon) I have to admit, I got a bit teary eyed while we were answering the judge.  E. was antsy and S. didn't want to sit for the entire eight minute process.  Then we had to go to the clerk's office to finish more paperwork and get the copies of the decree.  This is when E. went into his mean mode.  He likes to pick on people like me or his sisters when he doesn't like the way things are going.  That led to a fit being thrown in the middle of the crosswalk on the way to our car!  Oh my.  We are stuck with him forever now, it's in writing.  Seriously, we will love him unconditionally, for the rest of our lives.  

After reading my friend Sarah's blog about her wait for Isaac, I feel even more thankful for our newest member of our family.  Thank you Lord.  And please bring Isaac home soon so he can be with his family and friends who are waiting for him.

Food, Ears and Therapy

Whiny E. not liking the drive on our vacation

Yesterday E. told me his ear hurt.  I looked inside and it looked like he had stuck some oatmeal or bread inside of it.  What?  Why?  I got some tweezers and was able to grab hold of the substance and pull it out (about the size of a pea).  I looked in it again, there was still a bunch of stuff deeper inside.  I called the doctor.  I didn't want to do what my instinct was, put something inside his ear to fish it out, and end up pushing it further inside.  The advise nurse told me to flush his ear with warm water.  So I did, and I did and I did.  It would not come out.  I gave him a bath and had him lay in the water, covering his ears.  It was still jammed inside.  I gave up for the day.  Today I decided to give it another shot.  Syringe, warm water, towels and a crying 3 year old filled two hours of my afternoon.  After many attempts, brown, chunky STUFF came draining out of his ear.  Followed by a BIG plug of ear wax, dirt and gunk.  EWWW!  I decided to do the other ear as well, since it also looked plugged.  It took nearly as long but almost the same amount of stuff came out of that one too. Lets hope he can hear better now!

The OT who did his evaluation called today to go over the results.  It sounds like he for sure has a sensory processing disorder.  He will be going to his first therapy session on Sept 11.  I hope it helps.  She recommended seeing him weekly, but since her schedule is so full, it may not be possible.  It sounds like all the therapists in our county are busy.