Newsletter

I wrote my first article for the newsletter I publish at work every month. Here it is, for your enjoyment:

In 2008, our family welcomed a 12 week-old bundle of joy into our home. He was an unexpected miracle, entrusted to us by his birth parents in Haiti. S was born with a neurological birth defect and required special care that was unavailable in his country. His mother had told the American nurse who helped coordinate S'a care that they had been instructed to let him die. The villagers didn't value his precious life and saw him as a burden and a curse (voodoo is prevalent there). Thankfully, his birth parents loved him enough to seek help for him. He was lovingly placed in our arms during a mission trip.

At the beginning stages of an adoption process, it is easy to set boundaries for what type of child you would be willing to parent, based on age, health, race and behavior issues. We initially felt uncomfortable with the idea of adopting a special needs child, until we began volunteering with a non-profit organization helping care for several medically fragile children. Doctors' appointments, surgery and hospital stays, therapists, tests, life-long care, and many other things must be considered. It can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. However, after spending time with and caring for several medically fragile children, my eyes were opened wide to see what a blessing they are. Every single life has a purpose and important significance, and God can do amazing things!

While being cared for by a world renowned neurosurgeon, we were told that S would have major lifelong complications and that his future was bleak. We were also told that one of the reasons S'a condition is so rare in first world countries like the U.S., is because doctors would highly recommend that such a child be aborted. Hearing this broke my heart. S is the most cheerful, outgoing, warm little soul I have ever known. His smile welcomes everyone and his laugh is the sweetest sound. He has continually defied the doctor's expectation about his quality of life. He is able to do nearly every single thing a typical child can do, and he only has a few small limitations. In a visit last year with another neurosurgeon, we were asked if S could walk or talk. We pointed out the active child who was independently climbing on the patient table and talking in full sentences a mile a minute.

Becoming an adoptive parent has been the biggest gift to me and my husband. We adopted another son, E, a year later. Many times I have been told "They are so lucky to have you", or "You are so kind to adopt them". I am the one who has been blessed, many times over. The fear of adding more children to our family has been eased by watching my older children learn compassion and patience from their new siblings. The hugs, kisses, laughter, and fun these boys bring into our home is priceless. Yes, we are busy. Yes, we have a few more appointments than a typical household. Yes, the laundry pile is HUGE, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

At the WCPC, adoption is a viable life-affirming option for someone with an unplanned pregnancy situation. We lovingly support our clients as they make a decision that will affect the rest of their lives. In that support, we meet our clients in the middle of their messes and we love them, being the hands and feet of Jesus. Those clients who do choose life through adoption will have the opportunity to greatly bless a family with a child. What a blessing it is to be part of this ministry!

Adoption does not make me look glamorous

I have written a post about adoption and how it seems some couples adopt to gain a "brown baby accessory". Today, I write to explain how my life has changed since going from three kids to five; and becoming an inter-racial family with special needs kids. It has not transformed me into the glamorous A. Jolie. But... I would say I am a better woman because of it.

BEFORE: I used to buy gymboree, carters, gap and old navy. New, in the box, never opened.

TODAY: I buy resale, thrift store and garage sale clothing. The kids sport hand me downs. I don't think they look much different though, since I have scored some great finds and brand names on the bargain shopping trips. And we have been blessed with some great hand me downs too!

BEFORE: We would go out together as a family and people would smile and comment about our beautiful family, or our well behaved children.

TODAY: We go out and people say "Are all these kids yours? You sure have your hands full!"

Or they just stare.

BEFORE: We would enjoy going on fun outings like the movie theater or the science museum.

TODAY: We stay around home a lot more or split up the family. It's just a lot of chaos and work to chase around the young ones and some of us have very short attention spans.

BEFORE: I would go get my hair cut and colored at a professional salon every six weeks or so.

TODAY: It's been over a year since I colored my hair and six months since my last hair cut (which is a long time for someone with a short style!) I also cut J's hair and the kids. I recently botched C's haircut and she was treated to a salon cut, so much better!

BEFORE: We would all go to church and everyone was well behaved and quiet.

TODAY: I miss most of worship having to sit in the hallway with a loud, wiggly, or disobedient child.

BEFORE: I did not like confrontation.

TODAY: I have learned to speak up for myself and my children. Their rights are important to me, no matter what.

BEFORE: The house was somewhat peaceful and calm, most of the time.

TODAY: There is never a dull moment and it's only quiet on a rare occasion.

BEFORE: The kids had more room in the mini-van.

TODAY: The van is full, and if a family trip to Costco, Walmart or hardware store is planned, we have to consider every purchase, just to be sure it can make it home!

BEFORE: I would let little things annoy me.

TODAY: I let the little things go. I try to think "Is this really worth the effort to make a deal over this?" Sometimes they still annoy me. I pray more. I bite my tongue. I count to ten A LOT.

BEFORE: I had a social life.

TODAY: We rarely get invited to dinner. Our first dinner invitation in many months resulted in:

one broken window curtain rod, a spilled root beer, and a p*op accident on the bedroom carpet. We will see if we get invited over again!

BEFORE: I knew nothing of how the special education system worked. I didn't know how to care for many special needs.

TODAY: I know a lot, and am learning more everyday.

BEFORE: We could go grocery shopping and spend $100 on four days of groceries.

TODAY: We go grocery shopping and spend just under $200 on four days of groceries.

BEFORE: It bothered me to have people stare or make comments, especially regarding my sons' ethnicity.

TODAY: I find humor in little things. During our dinner out, S. was referred to by our friend's son as "that black kid who p*oped in my bedroom".

I found it endearing!

BEFORE: Our house was clean, with no stains on the carpet or couch, and it smelled nice. I had time to cook and bake. We had time to play more, read more, and work on projects.

TODAY: Our house is not clean, there are stains on the carpet and couch, and it smells a bit off. (with a scented candle burning to mask the odor!) I don't bake, and the meals I cook are simpler. I don't find as much time to play, read and work on projects, although I have a lot of desire and ambition to do so.

BEFORE: I had a self centered, "it's all about me" lifestyle and mindset.

TODAY: I rarely have time to even think about myself. I live for others, God and my family. And I am happier because of it.

Special Needs Adoption

We have two adopted children who have twenty months difference in age. One was placed in our home at 12 weeks old, has had several neuro-surgeries, has special needs and is considered "disabled". The other was referred to us at one year old and was brought home at 35 months of age. He was considered healthy and typically developing when he got home. Now can you guess which child is more challenging to care for?

What are considered special needs?

"Special needs" describes several categories: disabilities, race, age, sibling status, and at-risk.

Disabilities include mental, physical and emotional disabilities and disorders which can range from mild to severe. Behavioral problems are part of the emotional disabilities group.

Minority Race. Some agencies consider minority race alone to be a special need, especially when the child is male, and other agencies do not. This does not mean that being a member of a certain racial group or gender is a disability. It means that, at this time, we have not recruited enough families to adopt our waiting minority race children, and especially the boys. In all racial groups, males outnumber females, sometimes by as much as three to one.

Age. The age limit at which a child is considered to have special needs differs from one state to another and may differ according to the race of the child. In general, a child over age 5-8 years may be considered an older child.

"At-risk" children. An an "at-risk" child is one who, while currently healthy, is at risk of developing learning, emotional, behavioral or physical disabilities in the future. Babies exposed to drugs, abuse, neglect, and those with genetic pre-dispositions to mental illness and physical disabilities are called "at-risk."

Our son E. is by far our most challenging child to parent right now. Although S. was born with an opening in his skull, developed hydrocephalus, has a VP shunt and has had two brain surgeries; I would not really consider his daily care difficult. E. has been home for nearly two years now. He would not be considered a special needs child but it's becoming more apparent that his needs take up more of our time and energy than his little brother's.

We have seen how far E. has come in a short period of time, but we are also realizing that his past has effected who he is. We are wondering if he would benefit from therapy. We are looking into that and reading more about attachment. I found this checklist online and surprisingly we circled 18 from this list:

Circle the items if they are frequently or often true.

• My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to other children.
• My child can't keep friends for an age-appropriate length of time.
• My child doesn't do as well in school as my child could do even with a little more effort.
• My child pushes me away or becomes stiff when I try to hug, unless my child wants something from me, in which case my child can be affectionate and engaging.
• My child argues for long periods of time, often about meaningless or silly things.
• My child has a large need to control everything.
• My child is hyper-vigilant.
• My child acts amazingly innocent, or pretends that things aren't really bad or a problem when caught doing something
• My child does dangerous things such as runs away, jumps out of windows, or other potentially harmful actions. My child seems oblivious to the fact that my child may be hurt.
• My child deliberately breaks or ruins his things or other's things.
• My child doesn't seem to feel age-appropriate guilt when my child does something wrong.
• My child is impulsive. My child seems unable or unwilling to stop doing something my child wants to do.
• My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to animals.
• My child steals, or shows up with things that belong to others with unbelievable, unusual, or suspicious reasons for how my child got these things.
• My child likes to sneak things without permission, even though my child could have had these things if my child had asked.
• My child doesn't seem to learn from mistakes, consequences, or punishments (my child continues the behavior despite the consequences).
• My child makes false reports of abuse or neglect. My child tries to get sympathy from others, or tries to get us in trouble, by telling others that I don't feed, or don't provide the basic necessities.
• My child seems not to experience pain when hurt, refusing to let anyone provide comfort.
• My child does not usually ask for things. My child demands things.
• My child lies, often about obvious or ridiculous things, or when it would have been easier to tell the truth.
• My child is quite bossy with other children and adults.
• My child hoards, sneaks food, or has other unusual eating habits (eats paper, raw sugar, non-food items, package mixes, baker's chocolate, etc.)
• My child often does not make eye contact when adults want to make eye contract with my child.
• My child has extended temper tantrums.
• My child chatters non-stop, asks repeated questions about things that make no sense, mutters, or is hard to understand when talking.
• My child is accident-prone (gets hurt a lot), or complains a lot about every little ache and pain (needs constant attention).
• My child acts cute or charming to get others to do what my child wants.
• My child is overly friendly with strangers.
• My child has set fires, or is preoccupied with fire.
• My child prefers to watch violent cartoons and/or TV shows or horror movie (regardless of whether or not you allow your child to do this).
• My child was abused/neglected during the first year of life, or had several changes of primary caretaker during the first several years of life.
• My child was in an orphanage for more than the first year of life.
• My child was adopted after the age of twelve months.

If you find that more than a few items (more than five or so) have been circled, your child may be experiencing difficulties that require professional assistance. If, in addition to several items being marked, any of the last three items is check, your child may be experiencing attachment related problems.

So where do we go from here? Does that mean E. has RAD? Or just "attachment issues"?

When we started the adoption process, we had to fill our paperwork explaining what kind of child we preferred. This was so difficult for us, to say "yes we are comfortable to adopt a child with hearing problems but no, not a child with CP"? We were scared of special needs at the time, so we just circled those issues that were correctable. After God placed several people in our lives and we began hosting several special kids with severe medical needs, we realized that caring for kids with special needs is a blessing, not a burden.

I hope that more people would be open to adopting special needs children. S. has been such a wonderful addition to our family. I can't imagine life without his sweet smile, his cheerful little personality and his spunky energy in our home. I also think adoptive families should be aware and educated. They should consider EVERY child who have experienced some sort of trauma (even at a young age) a special needs child. Even though the agency lists them as "healthy" or "normal", these kids have issues. They need special care and attention, some even more than children with medical needs.

The tough side of adoption

Look at that adorable child!!!

He is not perfect, he is human.

He's been through starvation, illness,

abandonment and early life in an orphanage.

No one talks about it openly. But you get a group of adoptive moms together and you hear it. Usually more than one mom has a story to tell. Stories that will scare anyone into thinking twice.

Tales of sexual abuse, violence, homicidal or suicidal tendencies.

RAD, ODD, PSTD, ADHD, FAS.

Lack of resources, counseling services and therapy programs.

DSHS, neighbors, police and church involved.

Respite, rehoming, disruption, hospitalization, residential treatment.

Many people do not like to discuss these ugly issues. Adoption is supposed to be about love, selflessness, sacrifice and obedience. But sometimes it can be so. dang. hard. It can cause severe depression, marriage complications, hurt to other children, stress and damage to material possessions.

I wonder how many families delve into adoption without first becoming educated? Yes, reading a few books is great, but really talked to people who have adopted and are open and honest? Or spoke to a professional or went through training? It seems like more and more I hear of families going through international adoption and bring a cute orphan home from a foreign country without counting the costs. I recently learned of a family who had adopted internationally and had never even heard of RAD before! Seriously. Adorable brown babies are not an accessory.

Yes, adoption has been wonderful and life changing for our family. It has been joyous. It has also been so difficult. I sometimes thing about what life would have been like for J., me and my three kids before adoption. Simpler, easier, less issues. Would I do it again? Yes. But it truly is not for everyone. And I do believe there are mis-matches. How does one choose a child that is right for their family when they are across the world? The information they get about that child is missing pieces, inaccurate or untruthful. Many kids' ages are even wrong simply for the ease of finding an adoptive family. Some adoptions are finalized before the adoptive parents even meet the child!

Please don't think I am writing to discourage adoptive families. I just want more people to get educated and keep learning through the process. I know for us, doing independent adoption, no one was there to be sure we were. We had to be self motivated and thankfully I met some wonderful people who pointed us in the right direction and helped form a small support group.

If you are in the position of going through some hard things with your kids, know that you are not alone. There are so many people walking that path with you, but remain silent. Don't be afraid to seek help. Talk to other adoptive parents and I bet you will find some support and love. We are all in this together.

joy

We are blessed by the finalization of the adoption of our son today! His name change is now official and I shouldn't have to spell his name during doctors appointments anymore. The last step in this whole process is still ahead of us, with the naturalization/immigration stuff. This will cost several thousand in fees, so we are going to have to wait a bit. But at least now this step is over. And the courts did not have any problems with the paperwork. Most of the originals were destroyed in the earthquake.

We went to court with our friends, and did a dual adoption together! It was nice to have some moral support, as the whole paperwork thing was a bit uncertain. We celebrated with some breakfast and went on with our busy day.

Of course, I feel like the enemy has tried to take the joy out of the day. E. had a big raging tantrum for about half the day. It was exhausting and put everyone over the edge. He has been nothing but defiant.

I could tell yesterday something was building. He was having a really hard time at church. Nothing I did make him happy, everything I did made him complain. His shirt had come untucked and was tugging at it. So I helped him tuck it in. He instantly pulled his entire shirt out from his waistband. Then I noticed his lips were chapped. I got out my new, peppermint lip balm, given to me by a friend. I applied it to his lips and said, "There, doesn't that taste nice!" And he scowled at me and said "I don't want that!". He used his coat and shirt sleeve to wipe at his lips throughout the whole worship service (which J. was leading). He wanted to sit when everyone was standing and stand when everyone was sitting. He yelled "I'm not singing" when there was a pause in the music. I was so relieved when they dismissed the kids to their children's church classes. I asked L. to take E. to his class. E. started to balk at that idea, so I took him instead. Halfway to the classroom, he started to pull on my hand. Then when I let go of his hand, he stopped walking. Then I grabbed his hand again and he refused to move his feet and picked them up, straight legged from the waist! He wouldn't go in the class room, and actually wanted to just sit and make me miss church. I allowed to have him have a little time out, but talked up how much fun the kids were having in class. They were practicing for the Christmas program next week. He was missing out. Then they started playing the soundtrack and getting out the jingle bells and he was ready to go in, running!

Today E. was fine this morning and during court. He was great playing with his friends. Then the drama started with I asked L to help put his shoes on when it was time to go. He was tearing them off his feet, curling his toes, and whining. L., being 13, has little patience so wasn't being very nice about it. But the day just got worse for E. We told him it was time for nap, since we all got up two hours before we are used to. He cried in his room. Then he started to scream. Then I got him up and had him lay down in my bed, to cuddle. I understood why he was having a hard time and wanted to give him some attention. He acted like I was going to kill him! Kicking, screaming, crying, on and on and on. The whole thing lasted about four hours. He never did nap, after all this time. I did a bit while he was in his room playing with blocks. I am burned out from dealing with him. Then the other kids... Fighting, arguing, talking back, name calling, sneaking things behind my back. Trying to kill the joy.

Praying I will find it again, and soon.

Adoption: Fulfilling families....

A great story here.

What I learned in Children's Church today

1 Kings 17

Elijah Fed by Ravens

¹ Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, "As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word."

² Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: ³ "Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. ⁴ You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there."

⁵ So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. ⁶ The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

To go with today's bible lesson was this verse:

He provides food for those who fear him. Psalm 111:5

Well, I already knew this story but what a great reminder for me today! I worked in Children's Church this morning and really enjoyed this.

It is hard to remember at times how much God loves us, and will bless those who obey Him. Adoption can be so hard. Often I feel like people who have not been through it do not understand how difficult and draining it can be. I feel isolated and lonely because I don't want to complain to others about the hard times. I do not wish to discourage people from considering adoption. It is truly a blessing, but can also be so challenging. One of the things that is hard is finances. Raising a large family costs a lot! But we must fully rely on God to provide. And he does! We NEVER thought we would be where we are today. We thought we were done after our third child. Funny how the Lord has such different plans than we did. But we have obeyed and He has blessed us, far beyond financially.

Adoption tax credit

From the Christian Alliance for Orphans Blog: Amidst the intense controversy of the health care bill signed into law by President Obama yesterday, there’s at least one provision every orphan advocate can cheer. The adoption tax credit was preserved for another year...and increased in value!

To encourage and support adoption, the adoption tax credit was expanded by President Bush and Congress in 2001. This increased the value of the credit from $5,000 to $10,000, and indexed it for inflation (meaning the credit would increase each year to keep up with inflation.) For 2010, its value had risen to $12,170. However, the 2001 increase was scheduled to “sunset” at the end of 2010. This would mean that any adoptions finalized after December 31, 2010 would be eligible for—at most—a credit of only $5,000.

This sunset has now been extended one year. That means that it will need to be extended again before the end of 2011. For the present, however, this extension comes as very welcome news for families considering adoption or in the adoption process.

Specifically, the provisions contained in the health care bill include:

• The current adoption tax credit has been extended until the end of 2011;
• The value of the adoption tax credit has been increased from $12,170 to $13,170.
• The increase is “retroactive,” meaning that any adoption occurring after January 1, 2010 is eligible for this higher credit.
• The credit is now refundable. This means that even families that owe zero taxes can receive the full tax credit in the form of a tax refund to help with their adoption-related expenses.

To read the legalese in the bill itself, see page 903 of 906 here.

no pees

I get frustrated by cleaning up a nearly four year's bed more than two nights in a row. It's really irritating to spend money on pull ups and diapers when you find them used, on the floor near his bed before he even falls asleep. (he takes them off because they are already yucky and wet) Or when your husband forgets to put them on and sends little boy to bed in regular underwear. Everything this morning was completely soaked. Little boy reeked of urine from head to toe and was shivering from being wet most of the night.

And I am reminded by other adoptive moms that it could be worse. WAY worse. Thanks for the reality check.

Thankful day 15

I am thankful for how much adoption has benefitted our lives and family. Before we began this journey several years ago, I really only viewed adoption as a way to enlarge a family. Now I see it so much differently, my entire worldview has changed.

• PSA 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
• PSA 82:3 Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed
• ISA 1:17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
• JAM 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Adoption has allowed us to connect with many families all over the world!  The connections I have made have truly been a blessing in itself.  Adoption has allowed us to travel to foreign lands, a dream I've had that might not have become a reality.  Adoption has enlarged my heart.  Adoption has allowed me to reach out to children with special needs.  Adoption has helped teach my children about the world and God's many children who need homes.  Adoption has enlarged their hearts too!

Thankful day 9

Today I am thankful for the other adopted moms that I met with today. My friend Sarah was such a great hostess, making the most yummy pumpkin bread. Several moms from the community met to support, share and vent a little too! It was a great time. The little boys came along, but they did great playing and charming all the ladies. A thank you to Lolo for her helpfulness with them. That girl is a gem!

National Adoption Month- Ways to celebrate

1. Introduce the subject of adoption to your child's school or daycare.

Bea Rothweiler, a mom from Minneapolis, Minn., will celebrate Adoption Awareness Month the same way she always does – by talking to her daughter's classmates about adoption and reading them one of their favorite storybooks. It's become a family tradition for Rothweiler to go to her daughter's school and share their story. "We read A Mother for Choco (Putnam, 1996) and share a LifeBook of our daughter's story of us becoming a family. We usually open the session up for questions," she says.

Other parents have donated books about adoption to school libraries, talked with their children's teachers to make sure that class projects are adoption-friendly, talked with their children's classes about their child's country of origin and helped provide the teacher with adoption-friendly resources.

2. Seek media attention.

Some parents have written letters to the editor of their local newspapers on adoption-related topics or asked the newspaper to run adoption-related stories during November. Other parents have contacted television stations or radio stations. By law, broadcast media must devote time and resources to various sorts of public service announcements. Plan ahead on this one – contact the station's public affairs department, and maybe next November you'll see an adoption-friendly public service announcement on your local television station.

3. Spread the word.

The adoption agency that Karen Lott's family used makes a yearly tradition of sending out a different adoption-related pin each year. "They enclose a note that says, 'Help [us] celebrate National Adoption Month. We hope that you will wear the enclosed pin to help increase the awareness of adoption. Don't forget: If the questions get too difficult for you to answer, please feel free to hand out our business card,'" she says. Other parents have worn buttons with pictures of their children or volunteered to speak about adoption at their workplace, church or other community venue.

4. Contact libraries and bookstores.

Libraries and bookstores often produce story hours for young children, so why not ask that they feature adoption stories during November? Often libraries and bookstores are eager to help spread the word.Kathy Morowiak from San Francisco, Calif., remembers her first November as an adoptive mother well. "We lived in a small town, and the local library did not have a lot of resources," she says. "Together, with some other adoptive families, I approached them and asked that they feature adoption at one of the regular story hours in November. We purchased several copies of favorite storybooks about adoption and donated them. We helped spread the word to families about the adoption story hour. Nine years later, that library is still featuring the adoption story hour, and they have incorporated other activities to celebrate adoption during the month of November."

5. Remember those who helped with your adoption.

Michelle Maack Friedrichs of Mankato, Minn. celebrated her first year as an adoptive mother in October of this year. In remembrance of their first year as a family, Michelle Maack Friedrichs of Mankato, Minn., and her husband sent a photo album of their daughter Zoe's first year with them and a financial contribution to the orphanage that was Zoe's home prior to her adoption. "We are not doing anything special for National Adoption Month, but we do have some special 'gotcha day' activities that coincide with the same month," says Maack Friedrichs.

Other parents have sent a card to the social worker who performed their home study or the adoption agency that helped with the adoption. In an open adoption, they have sent a special gift to their child's birthparents. Still others have set aside extra time to volunteer for an adoption-related charity.

Jonathan Norburg of Minneapolis, Minn., plans to offer to help redesign the Web site of the small agency that facilitated his daughter's adoption. "It's something they need and something I can do for them," he says.

6. Involve your faith community.

Diane Vanderpool of Frankfort, Ill., started thinking of the families in her church who were formed through adoption and a special idea came to her. "I have asked our pastor to do a special blessing for the adoptive families in our parish at some time during the month," she says. "I thought it was a perfect time to thank God for bringing these children into our lives."

7. Start a LifeBook for your child or update your child's LifeBook.

A LifeBook tells the story of a child's life through their eyes. Adult adoptees say that LifeBooks help give them a sense of identity through having their own story. According to Beth O'Malley, from Winthrop, Mass., author of the definitive LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child(Adoption-Works, 2000), "A LifeBook is a record of a foster/adoptee's life that uses words, photos, graphics, the child's artwork and memorabilia. A LifeBook includes information about the child's birth parents and reason for leaving them. It always starts at the child's birth. A LifeBook is more than a life story. It is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of their children's lives."

8. Incorporate adoption as part of your everyday home life.

Many parents tell their child her adoption story on a regular basis. Others include birthparents as part of those they pray for or talk about. In our house, when we say goodnight, we add in the orphanage our daughter lived in and the children who still live there. Reading age-appropriate adoption stories is another way parents choose to make adoption a natural part of their family life. Speaking from my own experience as the mother of a very young child, I find reading stories is an easy way to tell her how wonderful adoption is.One of our family's favorite books is Little Miss Spider (Scholastic, 1999) by David Kirk. This vividly illustrated story tells the tale of a baby spider who searches for a mother who looks just like her, but finally realizes that a beetle named Betty, who looks nothing like the spider yet loves her dearly, is her "real" mother. In the last few lines of the book, Little Miss Spider tells Beetle Betty that she has learned that the best way to identify your mother is to find the creature "who loves you the best."

Whether you read a special bedtime story, start an adoption story hour or lead a media campaign, be sure to celebrate adoption in November. You – and your child – will be glad you did.