things I want to do as his wife...

kiss him goodbye at the door every day as he goes to work.

kiss him at the door when he comes home looking my best.

hold his hand when we are places together.

rest my head on his shoulder when we are sitting nearby.

write love notes and hide them.

give him back rubs when he is sore.

wait up for him when he comes home late.

sing with him.

pack him a healthy lunch.

light candles for him.

let him be right.

cuddle with him during a scary movie.

wash the car together and have a water fight.

make him heart shaped pancakes.

sleep in his t-shirt.

grow old together.

have dinner ready.

kiss his forehead and get him medicine, soup and tea when he is sick.

try to make him laugh.

keep the spark alive.

make him proud.

wear his favorite perfume.

make his favorite treat.

build memories.

play in the snow together.

dance in the rain.

be adventurous.

be his rock.

study the bible together.

explore the world.

raise his kids in a happy home.

climb a mountain.

defend him.

respect him.

trust him.

love him.

honor him.

complete him.

just dance.

Since I was three years old I have been dancing. Taking lessons at a local dance studio for years and then enrolling in a school after moving across state. Dancing took me to Washington DC, performing in amazing locations there. I have competed, and even danced professionally with our troupe. After I got burned out the end of my sophomore year of high school, I signed up for the dance drill team at high school. There I lettered and helped choreograph and was part of the audition process. I kinda lost my dance shoes throughout time, getting wrapped up in family life, babies, volunteering and foster care. I helped occasionally with the church's musical productions, but other than that, my dance "career" was pretty stale.

I signed my girls up for classes, C. was asked to leave (long story). K. enjoyed it but funds were tight. I loved watching their recitals and my favorite part was watching the adult class perform, I always got chills. My desire was to be up onstage with them, performing. It had been one of my goals to get into a class when I am thinner.

Recently I joined a facebook bartering group. I have been connecting with local people (many moms) and trade goods or services for something I have to offer. Someone on the group had asked if anyone taught dance lessons. After some thought, I decided to speak up and figured I would give it a shot! I have helped teach classes, have choreographed, observed and been in enough dance classes to surely handle the preschool set!

I was able to locate through Craigslist a dance studio. Bartering cleaning services for studio time, I have my location all set. I offered a free demo class on Monday. It was a little rocky, but I had fun and most of the kids did too. I am overcoming a lot of fears and self consciousness by stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something like this!

I am going to be offering a class on Monday mornings and one on Sunday afternoons. If you want more information, like my page on facebook http://www.facebook.com/lilcrocodiles

Dreams...

I have had a lot of dreams lately. I have not been sleeping well for a while now. I grind my teeth at night. I had a night guard but the dog got ahold of it the one time I forgot to put it away in the case. So until I get around to making a new one, I do without. And my body pays for it!

I have a recurring dream about pregnancy. I am not sure why. I am not able to have more biological children. Five abdominal surgeries has left me with a lot of scar tissue and I had decided to have a tubal ligation after K. was born.

My good friend recently had a baby, so I am wondering if this is why I am dreaming. Who knows. For fun, I looked up pregnancy in this dream dictionary.

By the way, if you ever dream about porta potties, this is what it could mean:

Porta Potty

To see or use a porta potty in your dream, indicates that you need to express your feelings more openly. Don't hold back your emotions. You need to let yourself go.

Here's what is said about pregnancy:

Pregnant

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. Alternatively, if you are trying to get pregnant, then the dream may be a wish fulfillment. If you are not trying to get pregnant, but dream that you are, then it symbolizes fear of new responsibilities.

To dream that you are pregnant with the baby dying inside of you, suggests that a project you had put a lot of effort into is falling apart and slowly deteriorating. Nothing is working out the way you had anticipated.

If you are really pregnant and have this dream, then it represents your anxieties about the pregnancy. If you are in your first trimester of pregnancy, then your dreams tend to be about tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams consists of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage of pregnancy.

So all these dreams has got me thinking. What could they mean, if anything?

Empathy for my pregnant (she has a beautiful little girl now) friend?

Desire to have another baby?

New directions, projects or exciting things happening soon? I hope so.

wonderful dream

I had a dream early this morning about Mercy. I was spending time with her, fixing her hair. She currently does not have much because the doctors at the hospital recently shaved it for an EEG. But one day she will. And I will be able to care for it! And love on her.

When I am awake I fear how she will react to me. In all our contact with her caregiver (Mercy's current "Mom") she has talked about how excited she is to have a daddy. Right now she has a "mommy", and I don't think she is too excited about leaving her. What if she doesn't like me, attach to me, or want me around?

I have many fears about Mercy. Adopting an older child with little known background. A child with some complicated unknown medical problems. A child who will most likely have some attachment issues. We have little money set aside to adopt again (besides what we were blessed with recently). We are still adjusting to Elijah being home. We have a child with special needs already.

When we were praying about this decision, I tearfully asked God if He was really sure this is what we were supposed to do? I'm scared. But he reassured me that we are to go. We had to step out in faith. I am going to be spending a lot of extra time in His word these next few months. Seeking comfort and encouragement. I may be reading some good adoption books too. Any suggestions?

Someday soon my dream will become reality, but it may not all be rainbows and butterflies. There will for sure be some challenges. In my dream Mercy and I were mother and daughter. laughing. loving. smiling. Please Lord, let that dream come true.