Friday, December 11, 2009

wonderful dream

I had a dream early this morning about Mercy. I was spending time with her, fixing her hair. She currently does not have much because the doctors at the hospital recently shaved it for an EEG. But one day she will. And I will be able to care for it! And love on her.

When I am awake I fear how she will react to me. In all our contact with her caregiver (Mercy's current "Mom") she has talked about how excited she is to have a daddy. Right now she has a "mommy", and I don't think she is too excited about leaving her. What if she doesn't like me, attach to me, or want me around?

I have many fears about Mercy. Adopting an older child with little known background. A child with some complicated unknown medical problems. A child who will most likely have some attachment issues. We have little money set aside to adopt again (besides what we were blessed with recently). We are still adjusting to Elijah being home. We have a child with special needs already.

When we were praying about this decision, I tearfully asked God if He was really sure this is what we were supposed to do? I'm scared. But he reassured me that we are to go. We had to step out in faith. I am going to be spending a lot of extra time in His word these next few months. Seeking comfort and encouragement. I may be reading some good adoption books too. Any suggestions?

Someday soon my dream will become reality, but it may not all be rainbows and butterflies. There will for sure be some challenges. In my dream Mercy and I were mother and daughter. laughing. loving. smiling. Please Lord, let that dream come true.


Kathy C. said...

I understand how you feel. Kaleb, who has always been the more mellow twin, showed a lot of anger at me this past trip. He hit me several times. I came home really wondering what I'd gotten myself into. Especially when the twins feed off each other. I guess we wait and pray and try to heal the hurts and help them adjust to a new life which we understand is ultimately better for them.

Salzwedel Family said...

What a wonderful dream. God loves it when we step out in faith, so just keep praying and believing.