It's approved!

S's Make A Wish for a playground was approved by his pediatrician. So now we are trying to work on getting a local contractor out to look at the yard and see what needs to be done. I really want to give you a peek of the set S. selected. But that would ruin the final reveal.

Here is the backyard before (taken from our roof):

When we told S. he was going to be getting his playground, he said "Me want a BIG playground!" I think he is going to be one active little guy this summer!

Yuk

Wanted to pass this on from the Washington Poison Center:
During the month of March, in celebration of Poison Prevention Week, we are offering free Mr. Yuk Stickers to educators and organizations in Washington State.

Quantities are limited. Please download our order form here and fax or mail it back to us.

This offer is made possible by a generous donation from our good friends at Bartell Drugs!

What's been going on?

It's been awhile since my last post. My computer crashed. Yes, our two year old imac decided to stop working. We tried all the tricks and needed to take it in to the shop. They discovered the cooling fan stopped working, therefore frying our hard drive. We stupidly had not backed all our files up in a long time. Since we have dial up it's next to impossible to upload to a remote system. So we lost pictures, files, adoption paperwork, tax info, etc. etc. After $250 we were able to get a new fan and hard drive installed. But they were not able to recover our data. I am still sad. I am thankful that I have this blog, we have pictures on here at least!

Make a Wish came out to our house last week. The two volunteers visited and talked with S. and our family. They asked all sorts of questions to get to know him like what his favorite movie is, favorite foods, favorite color, etc. They brought him some gifts too, animal cookies, a John Deere t-shirt and hat, and two new tractor toys. Tractors are S's favorite. He was so excited. For his big wish: a playground. The next step is to wait for doctor approval, to be sure he does not have any medical restrictions. Waiting for the doctor seems like it's taking forever! In the meantime, we were able to pick out a playground from Rainbow Play Systems, and once we get the go ahead from Dr, then the planning begins.

Cookies, pink (as S's request)

S. and his new J.D. stuff

Volunteers for MAW

I finished the CPR/First Aid/BBP training for DSHS. The two oldest kids came too. It was great to get this out of the way, but I found it very informative too. The protocol for CPR has changed, and it's been years since I was trained. I mailed in the last of our paperwork, proof of our pets' vaccinations and J. and my training certificates yesterday. We should be close to a home visit. We also purchased and set up a new crib and fireplace barrier this week. We are nearly ready!

C. got a big part in the musical Annie Jr. at school! She is playing Ms.Hannigan. She is excited, it was her second choice (guess what the first one was?). She practices every friday after school and the play is in June. I can't wait to see her perform.

it's hard

Our two year homecoming anniversary is coming up for E. in just a few days. When I look back at how much he has grown and changed I am so amazed. However, I'm coming to a realization that loving E seems to come easy for everyone except us. Outside of home he is happy, friendly, smiley and funny. His teachers at preschool don't seem to have any discipline problems. He has made a few friends at school. Extended family and friends tend to not see any problems. At home it's another story most of the time. I am praying that this is just a season in his life.

He does ok on days when dad is home. He also does better when the house is full of siblings. But when most are at school and E. is home in the mornings with more attention from me (school is at 12 for him), he doesn't know what to do with himself. He wanders around the house. He whines about everything. I offer to read with him, play with play dough, anything. The only thing that makes him happy is to watch a video, (which I try to keep to a minimum) or eat constantly.

Church has been an issue too, since he knows when to push my buttons. I swear this is what he is thinking:

Mom has been busy and tired all week. This is her one chance to get filled. Dad is up there on the stage leading worship, so he can't do anything. I'm gonna make her life h*ll.

So he does everything in his power to try to do just that. I thought I had found a great way to overcome this issue, a few weeks ago I told him if he is a good boy (with specific expectations) then he can have a piece of rainbow birthday cake afterward. He was an ANGEL. Last Sunday however, this did not work. Maybe he's clueing in. I told him his reward for good behavior was cookies since church was having a mission lunch. Ten minutes in he was uncooperative and disruptive. I had to leave the sanctuary. E. refused to go to his Sunday School class. I finally got him situated but later heard reports of him having a difficult time. During lunch I passed the cookie plate around and skipped over E. He gave me the glare of death.

His siblings pick on him, because it seems like he is always complaining about anything and everything. He most often spoils family time. He is always lurking, staring, hanging around. When I was making lunch for C. this morning it was like he was drooling over the food. So I put a handful of almonds at his place at the table and smiled warmly at him. He frowned at me and said, "I'm not gonna eat that."

During playtime he spins around the room, tripping over toys, furniture or people. He wiggles and wobbles through space with his hands and arms flinging around. He does strange things like walking around with dirty socks on his head and when asked why he responds, "Decause it's funny! (insert fake giggle) He can't regulate himself and spirals out of control when he does start to enjoy playtime. A good time playing hide and seek turns into someone getting hurt because he's running around the house yelling and giggling uncontrollably.

This morning was no different. E wandered around the house. I suggested he play in his room. He cried and whined. He got a stuffed animal, took it by the arm and swung it over his head while spinning in circles. I asked him not to do that since this specific animal was losing it's stitching. He got a truck, and pushed it on the floor, with all of his weight on the toy. It's one of the surviving cars we own like this since the others' wheels had collapsed from the weight. I checked on him after a few minutes. He sat there, listening to the car squeak and groan under pressure. He looked up at me and said, "Look mom, I'm playing!"

The long awaited lunch came (he lives to eat), and he took forever eating the sandwich his brother made him. It was a different type of bread, with nuts in it. (my ploy to keep myself from eating bread, since I am allergic to nuts!) He took a REALLY long time eating it, after picking apart the filling and slice of bread. He complained and gagged.

A lot of these behaviors may seem like they are typical for a 4/5 year old. Or that they are really nothing to make a deal about. But trust me, after watching him try to fit in, cope with daily life, and try to annoy or sabotage relationships or situations nearly all the time, we've started to realize this is not normal.

Then today, we had a few minutes to spare before the bus came. I called E to me to snuggle him before he left. He frowned and whined, "why do I have to do this???". I tried my best to love him and explained that giving and getting hugs makes you feel nice. "Doesn't this feel nice?" No response. Then I said, "E, I love you." No response. I asked, "Do you love me?" With more whines, he told me no. I asked if he liked me... no. I told him that it hurt my feelings and made me sad that he said he doesn't like or love me. He asked why. Then hid a smile.

getting ready

Last week we were busy during J's days off getting things taken care of. A lot of the items on the list were things we needed to do anyway, like get the pets vaccinations current and gather immunization records for the kids. We also should have bought a wood stove barrier/gate a long time ago, when S was a baby. We had a makeshift screen set up around it as a visual barrier but it is easily knocked over or moved.

We turned in the water sample, got the vaccinations for pets and kids taken care of, ordered a crib and fireplace barrier online, and found a great deal on clothes at a local thrift store ($5 a bag). I think all the needed paperwork is turned in, they just need to receive our fingerprint clearances.

We still need to:

• Pick up and set up crib
• Pick up and set up fireplace barrier
• Buy a 5 lb fire extinguisher (2A10BC-rated ABC)
• Take the CPR/First Aid class

After the licensor receives all this she will set up the home visit.

Adoption does not make me look glamorous

I have written a post about adoption and how it seems some couples adopt to gain a "brown baby accessory". Today, I write to explain how my life has changed since going from three kids to five; and becoming an inter-racial family with special needs kids. It has not transformed me into the glamorous A. Jolie. But... I would say I am a better woman because of it.

BEFORE: I used to buy gymboree, carters, gap and old navy. New, in the box, never opened.

TODAY: I buy resale, thrift store and garage sale clothing. The kids sport hand me downs. I don't think they look much different though, since I have scored some great finds and brand names on the bargain shopping trips. And we have been blessed with some great hand me downs too!

BEFORE: We would go out together as a family and people would smile and comment about our beautiful family, or our well behaved children.

TODAY: We go out and people say "Are all these kids yours? You sure have your hands full!"

Or they just stare.

BEFORE: We would enjoy going on fun outings like the movie theater or the science museum.

TODAY: We stay around home a lot more or split up the family. It's just a lot of chaos and work to chase around the young ones and some of us have very short attention spans.

BEFORE: I would go get my hair cut and colored at a professional salon every six weeks or so.

TODAY: It's been over a year since I colored my hair and six months since my last hair cut (which is a long time for someone with a short style!) I also cut J's hair and the kids. I recently botched C's haircut and she was treated to a salon cut, so much better!

BEFORE: We would all go to church and everyone was well behaved and quiet.

TODAY: I miss most of worship having to sit in the hallway with a loud, wiggly, or disobedient child.

BEFORE: I did not like confrontation.

TODAY: I have learned to speak up for myself and my children. Their rights are important to me, no matter what.

BEFORE: The house was somewhat peaceful and calm, most of the time.

TODAY: There is never a dull moment and it's only quiet on a rare occasion.

BEFORE: The kids had more room in the mini-van.

TODAY: The van is full, and if a family trip to Costco, Walmart or hardware store is planned, we have to consider every purchase, just to be sure it can make it home!

BEFORE: I would let little things annoy me.

TODAY: I let the little things go. I try to think "Is this really worth the effort to make a deal over this?" Sometimes they still annoy me. I pray more. I bite my tongue. I count to ten A LOT.

BEFORE: I had a social life.

TODAY: We rarely get invited to dinner. Our first dinner invitation in many months resulted in:

one broken window curtain rod, a spilled root beer, and a p*op accident on the bedroom carpet. We will see if we get invited over again!

BEFORE: I knew nothing of how the special education system worked. I didn't know how to care for many special needs.

TODAY: I know a lot, and am learning more everyday.

BEFORE: We could go grocery shopping and spend $100 on four days of groceries.

TODAY: We go grocery shopping and spend just under $200 on four days of groceries.

BEFORE: It bothered me to have people stare or make comments, especially regarding my sons' ethnicity.

TODAY: I find humor in little things. During our dinner out, S. was referred to by our friend's son as "that black kid who p*oped in my bedroom".

I found it endearing!

BEFORE: Our house was clean, with no stains on the carpet or couch, and it smelled nice. I had time to cook and bake. We had time to play more, read more, and work on projects.

TODAY: Our house is not clean, there are stains on the carpet and couch, and it smells a bit off. (with a scented candle burning to mask the odor!) I don't bake, and the meals I cook are simpler. I don't find as much time to play, read and work on projects, although I have a lot of desire and ambition to do so.

BEFORE: I had a self centered, "it's all about me" lifestyle and mindset.

TODAY: I rarely have time to even think about myself. I live for others, God and my family. And I am happier because of it.

Make A Wish

We got some good news today. Our S. is qualified to receive a Make A Wish! It took quite a while and a lot of advocating for him, but it is starting to come together. Our doctor was able to speak with the MAW chapter person, and she explained to the doctor what criteria does qualify. It was decided that having the VP shunt does qualify him for a wish.

If there is any question if having a shunt is considered a having life-threatening condition, read this:

Hydrocephalus is almost always treated successfully with surgical placement of a shunt or an ETV; but rarely does either treatment last a lifetime without complications. A critical aspect of managing hydrocephalus is being well informed and staying vigilant about potential life-threatening complications. Most problems associated with shunting or ETV occur weeks or even years after the surgery. When things are going well, it is easy to forget about hydrocephalus and having a shunt or an ETV. We encourage you to stay alert and informed.

Knowing what symptoms to watch for will help you become more at ease. Although the early symptoms of shunt malfunction or infection in children—fever, vomiting and irritability—are similar to many childhood illnesses, you will learn to determine the symptoms associated with shunt failure in a particular individual. Adults tend to exhibit the symptoms they experienced before treatment when there is a problem. If you have any doubt about symptoms, don’t hesitate to contact a doctor. If you suspect there is a problem with the shunt, you are wise to have it checked by the neurosurgeon rather than ignore it. It is better to have a false alarm checked than to leave it unattended. Remember, although shunt complications can be very serious and become life threatening, they can be treated successfully when they are discovered early.

An estimated 50% of shunts fail within two years and 20-50% of ETVs close up within five years. Either treatment can fail at any time. Infections are less common, but still not infrequent. Be informed and vigilant. Be prepared to act quickly. Mere hours can mean the difference between a resolvable complication and brain damage or even death, especially in children.

I am so thankful for the time Make A Wish took to work on behalf of S. They didn't just dismiss him at the first stage of the application. They really cared and made many phone calls to get things sorted out.

Now we will have S's paperwork sent to two local MAW volunteers who will be meeting with our family and S. They will talk with him and try to see what his most heartfelt wish is. This will be complicated, since the whole concept is not really understood by a 3 year old. Once we asked him if he could have anything in the whole world, what would it be? He said, "a cookie!"