Adoption does not make me look glamorous

I have written a post about adoption and how it seems some couples adopt to gain a "brown baby accessory". Today, I write to explain how my life has changed since going from three kids to five; and becoming an inter-racial family with special needs kids. It has not transformed me into the glamorous A. Jolie. But... I would say I am a better woman because of it.

BEFORE: I used to buy gymboree, carters, gap and old navy. New, in the box, never opened.

TODAY: I buy resale, thrift store and garage sale clothing. The kids sport hand me downs. I don't think they look much different though, since I have scored some great finds and brand names on the bargain shopping trips. And we have been blessed with some great hand me downs too!

BEFORE: We would go out together as a family and people would smile and comment about our beautiful family, or our well behaved children.

TODAY: We go out and people say "Are all these kids yours? You sure have your hands full!"

Or they just stare.

BEFORE: We would enjoy going on fun outings like the movie theater or the science museum.

TODAY: We stay around home a lot more or split up the family. It's just a lot of chaos and work to chase around the young ones and some of us have very short attention spans.

BEFORE: I would go get my hair cut and colored at a professional salon every six weeks or so.

TODAY: It's been over a year since I colored my hair and six months since my last hair cut (which is a long time for someone with a short style!) I also cut J's hair and the kids. I recently botched C's haircut and she was treated to a salon cut, so much better!

BEFORE: We would all go to church and everyone was well behaved and quiet.

TODAY: I miss most of worship having to sit in the hallway with a loud, wiggly, or disobedient child.

BEFORE: I did not like confrontation.

TODAY: I have learned to speak up for myself and my children. Their rights are important to me, no matter what.

BEFORE: The house was somewhat peaceful and calm, most of the time.

TODAY: There is never a dull moment and it's only quiet on a rare occasion.

BEFORE: The kids had more room in the mini-van.

TODAY: The van is full, and if a family trip to Costco, Walmart or hardware store is planned, we have to consider every purchase, just to be sure it can make it home!

BEFORE: I would let little things annoy me.

TODAY: I let the little things go. I try to think "Is this really worth the effort to make a deal over this?" Sometimes they still annoy me. I pray more. I bite my tongue. I count to ten A LOT.

BEFORE: I had a social life.

TODAY: We rarely get invited to dinner. Our first dinner invitation in many months resulted in:

one broken window curtain rod, a spilled root beer, and a p*op accident on the bedroom carpet. We will see if we get invited over again!

BEFORE: I knew nothing of how the special education system worked. I didn't know how to care for many special needs.

TODAY: I know a lot, and am learning more everyday.

BEFORE: We could go grocery shopping and spend $100 on four days of groceries.

TODAY: We go grocery shopping and spend just under $200 on four days of groceries.

BEFORE: It bothered me to have people stare or make comments, especially regarding my sons' ethnicity.

TODAY: I find humor in little things. During our dinner out, S. was referred to by our friend's son as "that black kid who p*oped in my bedroom".

I found it endearing!

BEFORE: Our house was clean, with no stains on the carpet or couch, and it smelled nice. I had time to cook and bake. We had time to play more, read more, and work on projects.

TODAY: Our house is not clean, there are stains on the carpet and couch, and it smells a bit off. (with a scented candle burning to mask the odor!) I don't bake, and the meals I cook are simpler. I don't find as much time to play, read and work on projects, although I have a lot of desire and ambition to do so.

BEFORE: I had a self centered, "it's all about me" lifestyle and mindset.

TODAY: I rarely have time to even think about myself. I live for others, God and my family. And I am happier because of it.

What I learned in Children's Church today

1 Kings 17

Elijah Fed by Ravens

¹ Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, "As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word."

² Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: ³ "Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. ⁴ You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there."

⁵ So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. ⁶ The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

To go with today's bible lesson was this verse:

He provides food for those who fear him. Psalm 111:5

Well, I already knew this story but what a great reminder for me today! I worked in Children's Church this morning and really enjoyed this.

It is hard to remember at times how much God loves us, and will bless those who obey Him. Adoption can be so hard. Often I feel like people who have not been through it do not understand how difficult and draining it can be. I feel isolated and lonely because I don't want to complain to others about the hard times. I do not wish to discourage people from considering adoption. It is truly a blessing, but can also be so challenging. One of the things that is hard is finances. Raising a large family costs a lot! But we must fully rely on God to provide. And he does! We NEVER thought we would be where we are today. We thought we were done after our third child. Funny how the Lord has such different plans than we did. But we have obeyed and He has blessed us, far beyond financially.

more frugality...

My friend Sarah (pray for her please) is now a Mega Family Blogger. I clicked on her badge and instantly was linked to larger (mega) families who blog. People with 7 to 37 children. Yes, 37!

I don't fit. I only have 5, almost 6 kids. I am in between. Not quite a mega family, but are we considered large? I think so. Anyway, there are some great hints on money saving on the listed sites, especially on this site, a family with 37 kids.

Here's another site that's worth checking out:

victory garden

and this one's great too!

Wish list

Love this so much. Need an idea for a friend with special needs kids or a mother of a large family? Here are some great ideas. Many of them are meant for humor, but I would graciously accept any of these gifts!!! This list is from this site.

So you'd like to give me a gift this holiday season? That's nice. I appreciate that so much that I'm going to save you some shopping time. Put the wrapping paper away, forget about the bows and gift tags, and just give me one of these. All I want for Christmas is:

• Babysitting: A few nights out this year will do me a lot more good than another sweater or DVD.
• House Cleaning: Oh, yeah. Come clean my house. Anytime. Do you do windows?
• Homework Help: Teach my kid math; help her write a paper; drill him with flashcards; give me a break.
• Sounding Board: Therapy? Expensive. Someone like you, who I can call and gripe to for hours. Priceless.
• Faster Internet Service: Dial-up is making me old before my time. Take up a collection to buy me a faster connection.
• Back-Up: Come to appointments or school meetings with me. Bring tissues. And maybe a baseball bat.
• Child's Play: My child wants to play with me, all the darn time. You take a few shifts, okay?
• Sleep: Offer to take my kids to school one morning. Also wake them up, and get them dressed and fed. I'm sleeping in.

A great saying...

I had someone tell me this today:

The best way to get something done is to ask someone who is busy.

So true.

Life without kids

As I was cleaning up E.'s car seat today after he bombed it with his vomit, I had a thought.  What would it be like to have no kids, just me and J?  

Quiet, relaxing, no messes, no stress.  Would I be happy and content? 

What would be missing from our lives?

No giggles

No little hugs and kisses

No questions to answer 

No prayers before bed

No math problems to help solve

No ballet recitals

No cute mispronounced words like "opeymeal" (oatmeal)

No dancing to Donut Man

No owies to kiss and bandage

No firsts

No breaking up fights and watching them makeup

No Mothers Day gifts

No pearly white teeth to brush

No bouquets of dandelions and buttercups

No bath toys

No sweet smelling baby lotion

No missing teeth

No watching them grow

No singing bible songs and E.'s fav. "Happy Birthday"

No homemade cards made with love

No cute booties

No nails to paint

No cuddles in the middle of the night

No cartoons

No little socks and shoes

No tea parties or sword fights

No bunk beds to tuck kids into

No fun family trips

No excuse to get McDonald's french fries

No cute dimples

No treehouses

No hair to fix

No story time

No dress up

No bicycle riding lessons

No birthday parties and balloons

No tangles to unknot after bath time

No field trips

No adventure

No "mom I need you"

No "mom I love you"

No sacrifices

The list can go on and on.  I am now thankful for the puke stained car seat that I need to finish cleaning.  Thanks kids, life would be so empty without you in it.

Pipe dream?

My friend Sarah and I are great at sharing each others' wild and crazy dreams.  We recently have been talking about a drive down the west coast thru Oregon and California.  We will be doing this on our own, no husbands (they will be home working and supporting our dreams!) and with 15 kids total!  Crazy?  Yes, but so much fun. 

We always have a great time together, whether it's sitting in the hospital for a week with two sick babies, going to Haiti to visit our boys, working out at the local gym, shopping at thrift stores, or going to the hot springs for a night or two.  Rarely can you find a friend that you can hang with doing ALL those activities and still have lots to talk about for two hours on the phone after we get home.

Anyway, we are planning on going on this trip in August sometime, driving our two vans, and tent camping.  We will make lots of stops at all the fun, educational places we can think of, and have a great end of summer trip.  We are even thinking of having our hard working husbands fly down and meet us in San Diego on their days off.  If you live on the west coast and would be up for a visit from two crazy moms and lots of fun, loud, hopefully happy kids; let me know. We would love to arrange some stops to meet some friends.  We would also be happy to know there are some backyards out there that can host two or three tents.  If you have a great must see idea for our trip, please share!  

We are also dreaming about writing a book about our adventure.  We will see how this pans out, but we have all sorts of ideas up our sleeves.

Large Family?

I was reading this post and started to think about this question. When is a family considered large? Is it 3, 4, 5 kids? I know several families with 13 kids, my close friend has 14. To me our family almost seems small because of who I hang with. When I met my husband I thought his mom was CRAZY to have 6 kids and homeschool. That is just one more child than my brood.

Having our family grow by two more kids in less than a year has been hard...
I definitely feel like life can be out of control at least once a day.
I have an obnoxious pile of laundry most of the time.
I notice the amount of groceries we go through and it seems we are always out of something.
I hardly ever have a quiet moment during the day and I cherish bedtime.
Our minivan is full, and we would have to buy a large SUV or 12 passenger van to fit one more person in our vehicle.

I feel like we are so blessed and couldn't be more happy about the number of kids God has given us. We are busy, but happy. I love our big family.