Monday, January 9, 2012

Early morning

It's 3:30 am and I'm restless. Not sure why but I woke and couldn't fall back to sleep.

Thoughts are churning in my head. Random things and ideas, goals and dreams, worries and problems are haunting me tonight.

I'm feeling very unsure about life recently. I don't feel joy. I sometimes resent my husband and children. I spend a lot of time wishing for things that are out of reach. I have little motivation to get things done in every day life. I feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day, and the same activities are being rerun over and over. I have many things I would like to do but I either can't get away from housework and mommy-hood, am too exhausted to do it, feel guilty for doing it, or sabotage myself. I have been working on my self talk, trying to claim my fears and feelings and also find a positive spin on life, but it can be so hard!

4 comments:

Kathy C. said...

Things usually look much bleaker when you're tired. Sometimes I question why in the world I made some choices I did, but once I'm rested, it all makes more sense.

calbri said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

"The only way we'll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands!" Whenever I get despairing, I pray before ever getting up or thinking anything, God, I give this day to You, I can't even get up without You. I pray it goes according to Your plan, that You will guide my steps and decisions today. Okay, in reading this over I realized I pray it every morning... I wish we lived closer!!!

Anonymous said...

Ask your doctor for some anti-anxiety/depression meds...amazing how they can change perspective..prayers!!

Love, Eva

mama bear said...

Thanks guys! I have been to the doctor and have been on medications since August. I also have been seeing a therapist. It's been helping but I still have days.