Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My not so mid-life crisis

Last summer was a rough one. I seriously had a mid life crisis. And now, although many of my friends know about it, I want to air it for everyone, in hopes it may help others.

First of all, I got married at age 19.
I went right from living with my parents to living with my husband (who was 20). Honestly, I spent our first night together in tears, and our first year was full of arguments. But we made it through. And today I can say that I am married to my best friend.

Secondly, I had a baby at age 21 (almost). I was still a baby. Then I had another one 18 months later. Then another four years after that and adopted two with special needs. I had only one identify...mom. I had given up everything I had to care for these kids God gave me.

Thirdly, I became a foster mom. We took in a child with high special needs who was disabled. Seriously, the state could not find anyone else to take her and she was about to end up in a nursing home. I was her primary caregiver. Her story was so sad. Disturbing, really.

Add all this up, throw in a husband working in the most stressful job environment possible, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I had been spending most of my life caring for other people and had forgotten myself. I didn't even know what my interests were anymore. I found myself spiraling into a strange situation, almost manic/depressive. I began acting impulsively and doing things completely out of character. It had my husband and close friends concerned.

I went to the doctor, got some medication for depression and anxiety. My husband and I went to marriage counseling, because words like divorce and separation were coming up in conversation way too often.

I began seeing a counselor on my own too. She had been helpful to get me really thinking about my behavior and why I was doing the things I did.

After 7 months and a long rocky road, I am doing pretty well. I am spending much more time focusing on myself and my marriage. I've gained new interests and hobbies, made some new friends and am trying to step out of my comfort zone. I'm finding what makes me happy vs doing things out of feelings of obligation. I'm still dealing with things and feelings, some days better than others. I still put too much trust and faith in people at times, and other times not nearly enough.

3 comments:

Kathy C. said...

It is easy to lose yourself in the midst parenting. It's good that you show that and have worked on finding yourself again.

calbri said...

Love you!! I'm glad you and God made it through!!

Momto16 said...

Love u. And love this pic of you.