Newsy

So many new chapters going on our family right now. Where to begin?

1. I am starting my own business and applied for a license (it came in the mail a few weeks ago). I named it White Rabbit Arts. I am still kind of developing a business plan, but here is where I am going with it currently: kids arts classes, crafts for young and old, fine art and mixed media, event planning and children's room decorating and organizing.
2. I have been teaching a dance class for preschoolers called "Lil' Crocodiles. It is being held at this awesome older building in town and I am able to trade cleaning it for class use. I am starting out with one weekly 45 minute class for kids ages 2-6. It has been lots of fun!
3. Bartering has been something both J and I have been really getting into. We have been going through the house, ridding rooms of clutter and unused items and gaining some nice, needed things. J and I have also traded some labor for delicious meals.
4. My newest bartering agreement...providing childcare last minute to a single dad who is a personal trainer. He is going to be training me for two months for me helping him this month caring for his two sweet kids.
5. We are waiting to hear some big news that may effect our family so be praying. Will write about it soon.
6. E has been going to therapy here at a local place. She has been wonderful and we had a bit of a breakthrough with him!! It was emotional and awesome to see him express some sort of feeling toward his background and birthmom (we have no clue who she is) and turn to ME for comfort.

Change in plans

We have decided to try a local therapist before driving the long distance to see the other one. I was referred to this local woman by our pediatrician, who I love, and spoke to her on the phone last week. She is newer in the area so many don't know of her. J and I went in to see her yesterday and she was great. She has adopted before and seems to have a good understanding on attachment issues as well as how we were describing E. to her. We will meet with her again and bring E. Once she meets him she can get an idea of what type of therapy would be the best...theraplay or writing a life story are a few things she does for younger kids.

We will keep the other therapist in mind if this doesn't work out...but I really hope it does. This will be way more simple and inexpensive!

soon...

Mark, the therapist I wrote about called me yesterday morning and we spoke for a bit about E. He did not recommend getting a neuropsych evaluation. I was told it can be a waste of time and money and can be damaging for the child if taken to the wrong person. He recommended coming in for an evaluation and going from there. He can recommend some good people if E. really needs one. He said many times these kids "act" like they have a learning disability and manipulate many when they are perfectly capable of getting better.

Mark has a few opening this summer since families are on vacation, so we are able to come in to see him on July 11. One thing I LOVE is that he doesn't see the child alone. He wants to see the whole family, since E. is part of a family and his behaviors effect everyone.

I mentioned to Mark that for the longest time I didn't think my son had RAD or attachment issues. He didn't fit in some of the descriptions I have seen. He is not violent to others, doesn't typically tease or bully, and doesn't have full out rages (anymore). The response I got from him on the phone seemed right on..."that's not good". Mark said these kids are becoming the victim and are internalizing their anger. Then they become passive aggressive. He said we want E. to be able to identify and express what he is feeling, work through it and then hopefully he won't continue acting out as much to everyone else.

I also spoke of E. continually asking for food or water whenever we are in public or around new people. He does it in a way of is implying I am neglecting to care for him. Yesterday he asked for lunch when we dropped his sister at her friends house, as soon as I opened the van doors and he saw Mrs. J standing there. It was nearly 2 o clock and she said, "Oh, you haven't had lunch yet? I thought you ate already!". I told her that he didn't, we had a late breakfast and a snack through, then left to run a few errands. How sneaky of him to make it seem like I am the bad guy! Or the other day when we went to the beach for a few hours and invited a couple J. works with. He would NOT stop asking for water and getting into other's things sneaking drinks. He had three drinks of water in 30 minutes. He was NOT thirsty, but wanted to let it be known to everyone that he loves water and was really thirsty. Not normal behavior for a typical kid, everyone else was playing on the beach, kicking the soccer ball, or playing with the dogs. E. just hovered and annoyed. Mark gave me a good tip, instead of answering him over and over, just say, "It seems like you need some mommy time, come sit right here by me." Then he will soon hopefully learn that his behavior is negatively effecting him and not me. The problem though, is that most of the time when he is acting this way, he is already nearby and pestering. He doesn't want to be anywhere else.

I am excited about our appointment and ask you pray that we will be able to get insurance approval for 100% coverage. At this point it will cover 70%, not too affordable right now.

The Checklist

Last night I slept horribly. I had dreams and nightmares about E. I felt like my brain would not shut off and all I could think about was how we need to start getting him help.

E. has his good days and bad days. I am fearful of summer with him out of school. He loves to hover around and annoy everyone present, rather than play like most five year olds. If we go anywhere or have anyone over, he spends the majority of time acting silly, cute, or just plain weird. There are occasions where he is sweet, happy and loving. But I sometimes wonder what is genuine and what is not. Last week in church he did great, was obedient, and even cuddled with me. But, guess what was at stake after church was over? Right, cake.

I spent part of last week doing some research about getting a neuropsychological evaluation for E. I was referred to a local woman who sounds lovely and I was so excited to call her. Unfortunately, she doesn't work with children younger than six. No one within an hour and a half drive from us does. I am wondering if we should wait until he is six. I have also heard rave reviews about a therapist a few hours away specializing in working with kids with attachment issues and trauma. I contacted him tonight by email to see how we can get help for E.

His group's website had a checklist on their site that caught my eye.

Circle the items if they are frequently or often true.

1. My child acts cute or charms others to get others to do what my child wants.
2. My child often does not make eye contact when adults want to make eye contract with my child.
3. My child is overly friendly with strangers.
4. My child pushes me away or becomes stiff when I try to hug, unless my child wants something from me.
5. My child argues for long periods of time, often about ridiculous things.
6. My child has a tremendous need to have control over everything, becoming very upset if things don't go my child's way.
7. My child acts amazingly innocent, or pretends that things aren't that bad when caught doing something wrong.
8. My child does very dangerous things, ignoring that my child may be hurt.
9. My child deliberately breaks or ruins things.
10. My child doesn't seem to feel age-appropriate guilt when my child does something wrong.
11. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to other children.
12. My child seems unable to stop from doing things on impulse.
13. My child steals, or shows up with things that belong to others with unusual or suspicious reasons for how my child got these things.
14. My child demands things, instead of asking for them.
15. My child doesn't seem to learn from mistakes and misbehavior (no matter what the consequence, the child continues the behavior).
16. My child tries to get sympathy from others by telling them that I abuse, don't feed, or don't provide the basic life necessities.
17. My child "shakes off" pain when hurt, refusing to let anyone provide comfort.
18. My child likes to sneak things without permission, even though my child could have had these things if my child had asked.
19. My child lies, often about obvious or ridiculous things, or when it would have been easier to tell the truth.
20. My child is very bossy with other children and adults.
21. My child hoards or sneaks food, or has other unusual eating habits (eats paper, raw flour, package mixes, baker's chocolate, etc.
22. My child can't keep friends for more than a week.
23. My child throws temper tantrums that last for hours.
24. My child chatters non-stop, asks repeated questions about things that make no sense, mutters, or is hard to understand when talking.
25. My child is accident-prone (gets hurt a lot), or complains a lot about every little ache and pain (needs constant band aids).
26. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to animals.
27. My child doesn't do as well in school as my child could with even a little more effort.
28. My child has set fires, or is preoccupied with fire.
29. My child prefers to watch violent cartoons and/or TV shows or horror movie (regardless of whether or not you allow your child to do this).
30. My child was abused/neglected during the first year of life, or had several changes of primary caretaker during the first several years of life.
31. My child was in an orphanage for more than the first year of life.
32. My child was adopted after the age of eighteen months.

If you find that more than a few items (more than five or so) have been circled, your child may be experiencing difficulties that require professional assistance. If, in addition to several items being marked, any of the last three items is check, your child may be experiencing attachment related problems.

Sadly, I circled 22 items on this list.

Stress

I have been so stressed lately, but trying to juggle all that I have going on while remaining sane. It's hard. My kids have been asking me "why are you so mean?" more than usual. My husband feels a bit neglected. My patience is shot and my attitude is usually not so pleasant.

DEATH OF THE PLAYSTATION

The other day my teenage video game addict was asked to turn off the Playstation. He didn't listen. The game console got taken away and added to the pile of confiscated goods in my bedroom. The next day, I caught him in my room, playing his Playstation on OUR TV! I was already upset by something else going on, and the fact that he had the gall to do that just drove me over the top. I asked him to turn it off, and he complained and whined about it. So I helped him. Then he complained and whined louder, telling me that I NEVER LET HIM DO ANYTHING! So I snapped. I unplugged that Playstation 2, took it outside and swung it over my head by the power cord. I felt a surge of adrenaline as I let that thing soar through the air and hit the cement patio. After two hits, it was in several pieces on the ground. It felt SOOOO GOOOOD. I think many of my frustrations we released when that thing shattered. But I did feel some guilt. My poor son was so upset. Mind you, we have a backup game console, the exact same kind (long story), so the loss of this one is not too horrific. The other kids saw the remains of the console and asked throughout the day what happened. Hopefully a lesson was learned.

What do you think? Too harsh?

Nearly a year

I am amazed at how fast a year can pass. E. came home from Haiti on March 5, 2009. The anniversary of this occasion is less than three weeks away. It seems like yesterday.

An update on how he's doing...he is going to be four years old the beginning of April.

• He has grown almost six inches!
• He has gained only a few pounds. He is now 32 lbs.
• He now can wear size 3T clothes.
• He can say a lot more words, but still is very hard to understand most of the time.
• He still has a hard time going to sleep at night, and doesn't take a nap anymore. (if he does he takes forever to fall asleep at bedtime)
• He still falls down a lot, but not as much.
• He has sensory issues, and we have not found therapy that works. We do fun at home things like swinging and playing. Pretty much what we were paying the therapist to do.
• He is healthy and has not been to the doctor for several months! (but has gotten a few colds)
• He eats A LOT, and most everything put in front of him, even veggies!
• His favorite foods are sweets, pasta, breads, carbs.
• He still loves to sing and dance and play outside.
• His favorite show is "Yo Gabba Gabba".
• He hoards objects like little random things he finds around the house. He sometimes even shoves them inside his pajamas before bed!
• He has a hard time remembering the polite way to ask for things, even though he is reminded EVERY SINGLE time the best way to ask. Right now it sounds like he is saying "wanapum..." trying to say "can I have some..."
• He whines, cries, screams and pouts if he doesn't get his way or gets in trouble...sometimes even when he is not in trouble or just because he feels like it.
• He doesn't play much by himself. He likes to be where the action is.
• He likes to tattle on siblings and is becoming very bossy.
• He can use the bathroom by himself, drink out of a cup without spilling, and feed himself without making a mess!
• He usually gets along well with others and he likes to go to Sunday School or playgroup.
• He is very ticklish and has a great laugh.
• We are waiting for several follow up appointments...speech evaluation, hearing evaluation, school screening, and another eye doctor visit.
• He really likes to lead the family in prayer at meal time. It's very cute.
• He loves to cuddle, read books together and hang out with the big kids or mommy and daddy.

What a week, already!

I got sick on Friday night, it just came on all of a sudden; backache, headache, sinus ache, chills. I went to bed as soon as the kids fell asleep. (they were sent to bed early!) Then I was woken up by two little boys. They usually sleep pretty well, but they chose the night I felt like crap to wake up at 2 am. And of course my husband was working, so I was on my own. I texted him to complain, and see when he would be home. He got home after we fell back asleep, but I heard him tell me he was taking Saturday off! I was so thankful to hear this. I slept in, and laid around most of the day. I missed the homecoming of Isaac and Robert. I went to bed early again. Sunday I still felt bad, but better. J. went to work and I survived. We actually went out to Sarah's house for a little party to welcome Isaac home. It was so fun to see E. and I. together again. They seemed to remember each other, and by the end of our visit were hugging each other!

Yesterday was I was busy catching up on emails. I have had a LOT of people inquire about becoming a host family. I need to figure out a way to get the host family application on the MAT blog. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm not very computer savvy. Sarah suggested maybe scanning it and having it on a jpeg file. I thought that would work, but it's a four page application. We have had a lot of activity with MAT, and a lot of drama with Haitian kids and immigration. Please pray. I took a break from the computer to help E. with a potty accident. He had waited too long to get to the bathroom. As I was changing his pants, I returned to the living room to see S. with a bottle of curry powder (he had climbed in the pantry cupboards). There was yellow powder all over my keyboard and the floor! I was not happy. I felt like I just could not catch a break. I spent last night ordering some childproofing items online at One Step Ahead. And I also bought this... I am sure the boys will love it and it will be great for their occupational therapy! I did have a wonderful chat on facebook with a woman caring for our daughter in Africa. I was so glad to get to know her better and hear a great little story about her personality. (if you want to read my private blog please send me an email- on side)

Today started off poorly too, with both big kids missing the bus, at two separate times! How does that happen? L. forgot to set his alarm, and when he realized he had slept in he didn't want to wake me up. He thought he'd be in trouble! L. is very responsible most of the time, and has never slept in before. I would not have been upset, but now I was, since he didn't let me know he needed me to wake up and drive him to school! J. was working out at the gym and I knew he would be home soon. I waited for him to arrive and he got L. off to school in time. All the other kids were up early, so C. was ready for school in time. Except I noticed she had not changed her clothes! I made her go change, and got her out the door. THEN realized she had come back in to grab another piece of bacon as the bus drove by. Thankfully J. was able to take her to school on the way to work.

I was in a pretty bad mood this morning. I don't like waking up to children fighting, not doing what I ask, or them talking back to me. I don't like feeling overwhelmed and buried in paperwork. I don't like burned toast or bits of burned sausage in my scrambled eggs. And I don't like when my 2 year old won't stay out of things and has knocked three of my pottery dishes on the floor by climbing on the table! I don't like that he doesn't "get" that it's not safe to climb up or into things. (we have still not determined if it's a cognitive delay or just that he's a very active two year old boy) I don't like waiting for papers for our adoption. I don't like that UNICEF is causing hang ups for adopted children from Haiti to come home to their families. I don't like that my house can never stay clean for more than a few minutes. I don't like that this precious little girl lost her life way too soon. I don't like that there was a devastating earthquake in my boys' country of origin effecting millions of people, some whom I know well.

It really helps to blog about my rough times. But the best therapy is reading God's promises. I especially loved reading this verse in the Message translation:

Philippians 2:14-16

Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

Wow! Is that convicting or what?

Wish list

Love this so much. Need an idea for a friend with special needs kids or a mother of a large family? Here are some great ideas. Many of them are meant for humor, but I would graciously accept any of these gifts!!! This list is from this site.

So you'd like to give me a gift this holiday season? That's nice. I appreciate that so much that I'm going to save you some shopping time. Put the wrapping paper away, forget about the bows and gift tags, and just give me one of these. All I want for Christmas is:

• Babysitting: A few nights out this year will do me a lot more good than another sweater or DVD.
• House Cleaning: Oh, yeah. Come clean my house. Anytime. Do you do windows?
• Homework Help: Teach my kid math; help her write a paper; drill him with flashcards; give me a break.
• Sounding Board: Therapy? Expensive. Someone like you, who I can call and gripe to for hours. Priceless.
• Faster Internet Service: Dial-up is making me old before my time. Take up a collection to buy me a faster connection.
• Back-Up: Come to appointments or school meetings with me. Bring tissues. And maybe a baseball bat.
• Child's Play: My child wants to play with me, all the darn time. You take a few shifts, okay?
• Sleep: Offer to take my kids to school one morning. Also wake them up, and get them dressed and fed. I'm sleeping in.

Screening

E. had his screening today for developmental preschool. I am not sure why they can't just jump to the evaluation stage of the process, since he has already had so many different tests and evaluations, but whatever. The school district did his screening today, then if they feel he needs to be evaluated, they will need to do that within 35 school days. Then we will see if he qualifies for preschool. If he can go to preschool, he most likely will be placed in the same classroom as his girlfriend, A. and they will be "soooo happy" (in Bean's words). I will be sooo happy too! I hope he can get the help he deserves, for speech/communication, balance and coordination and social/behavior skills. We would be able to cut out OT therapy (he has an appointment late this afternoon) since he would be receiving it there if needed. One thing that bothers me about all this is they are really hung up on the fact that he is learning English as a second language. Well, to be truthful, he never really had a firm grasp on Creole as a first language, from what I understand (correct me if I am wrong those who knew him and understood him). I think he deserves help no matter what the situation is that caused him to be delayed. He is delayed, and if the school doesn't step in now, they more than likely will have to step in during Kindergarten and beyond. To qualify, he needs to be 1.5 standard deviations from the norm in two or more areas, or 2 standard deviations from the norm in one area. If you ask me, and I am no expert, he would qualify for speech alone. But not if they are thinking there is a reason for his delay, meaning there is nothing wrong with his brain. I think the fact that he may have hearing loss in his left ear, problems with balance and coordination that requires occupational therapy, sensory processing disorder AND behavioral issues should qualify him... but we have to wait and see. I should be hearing from them by the end of the week to see if he needs evaluation. Then we wait longer to see if he qualifies. Ugh. Good thing I called them in MAY to get things rolling. Praying for a good outcome!

Sensory Integration II

Well, we are thinking we have more than one child with Sensory Processing Disorder. S's therapists come over for a home visit yesterday. He sees a speech therapist and now an occupational therapist. We discussed his weaknesses and strengths as a 20 month old boy. I filled out a sensory survey and is seems he is on the higher/normal end of most sections, except for one area. He is out of the ball park in that section (but I can't remember what it's called). It's the area that measures how quickly you react to things. He reacts very slowly. We are not sure if this is due to sensory stuff or just his disability. We will be discussing this more next week. We will be working on his attention span this week by giving him heavy work activities for a bit, then expect him to sit and do something quietly for a minute, then play again. We can do this until we work up to a reasonable time that he can sit quietly and work on a puzzle, read a book with mom, or change his diaper without wiggling away.

We have been having fun at home with play therapy. I bought an awesome lycra stretchy sheet on ebay. It fits over a twin mattress to provide pressure while sleeping, but we are using it as a swing, swaddle, whatever. The kids had a lot of fun with it!

Therapy

I took E. to his first therapy appointment yesterday.  The OT is a very nice, gentle woman who basically lets E. do whatever he wants to in the small room EXCEPT touch the cd player and go into the two walk in storage closets. One time he pushed the limits and got his entire body in the closet and the therapist had to get a bit aggressive, but overall he did fine.  He walked around, jumped on wedges, blocks and round cylinders.  He rocked and swung and tooted a horn.  The therapist gave him a trumpet toy and a harmonica to help satisfy his urge to mouth things and make lots of noise. Who knew that the most annoying toy in the world would be therapy for my son?  She also recommended we buy some noise makers for our house.  To use during "certain times"  meaning when I am feeling sane. We went to Target after therapy and picked out a harmonica (not so annoying) and a recorder, both in lime green.