Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Beat down

Wow, I can tell that something big is about to happen. Because already satan is at work trying to tear me apart. Today I got an email from a close friend basically telling me all the things I have done to let her down the last few years. That she can't rely on me. That I am not a good friend. I have spent the last few hours in tears. I didn't know how to respond since it totally came out of the blue like a slap in the face. I wanted to defend myself and come up with all the things she's done to let me down but I prayed. I didn't say anything other than "I'm sorry, I had no idea" Then I just cried. My kids were very concerned about me. Elijah keeped asking if I am hurt. Try explaining what feelings are to a three year old! Not only does this hurt because the things she wrote were hurtful but because it came on top of other comments made to me by close family and friends as well. I feel torn apart and worthless. Add to the mix the cold/flu circling around and around our family. My body is weak and weary. Is this the enemy at work? I hope so, because if it is, I know who will win at the end!

An online friend/fellow adoptive mom warned me that adopting Mercy was going to be hard, to put on the full armor of God. I had no idea there would be personal attacks on me as well.

I read this excellent excerpt from a devotional on spiritual warfare:

While we don’t necessarily ignore thoughts and feelings from the past, it is vital that we don’t allow them to control our souls and emotions, but that we take them captive through prayers and declarations inspired by our spiritual mind. For example, is the enemy speaking rejection to me causing me to feel unwanted and unloved? I will respond that I am ACCEPTED IN THE BELOVED and that the Lord has shown His love to me in many ways by His spirit and through His Body.

And this verse has been calling out to me as well:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New International Version)

8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

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